How to Be Devoted to Those You Love

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: May 23, 2021 References

The concept of “devotion” is one often reserved for spiritual commitments. The way we feel about our loved ones, however, can easily be described as spiritual. Being devoted to those you love begins by searching within, discovering what devotion means to you, and seeking ways to put it into practice. It involves learning new ways to communicate. It involves expressing your devotion in subtle ways. In short, being devoted to those you love means learning to lead with your heart.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Finding Devotion Within Yourself

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Define “devotion.” The Merriam Webster dictionary defines devotion as “a strong feeling of love or loyalty.” The term devotion is most often used to describe religious fervor, or spiritual commitment. If you seek to be devoted to the ones you love, begin by asking yourself what exactly “devotion” means to you.^{[1]
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Start a “devotion” journal. You can begin your journey towards devotion by starting a “devotion journal.” This is a place for you to begin to understand what devotion means for you and how you can put your devotion into practice.^{[2]
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- Commit to spending 15 minutes each morning writing in your devotion journal.
- Each day, list five reasons you are grateful for the ones you love.
- Each day, list three ways you can communicate that gratitude.
- Each day, finish this sentence, “To me, devotion means _________.”
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3
Cultivate enthusiasm for those you love. Enthusiasm is the fuel that motivates devotion. In order to cultivate enthusiasm, you must dedicate yourself to something, a "cause," that moves beyond your self-interest, and that you feel strongly about. Perhaps your “cause” is as simple as making your loved one happy, or helping his or her day to run more smoothly. Allow your commitment to this “cause” to create enthusiasm, and enhance your devotion.^{[3]
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PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
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- First, work to identify your "cause." Do you feel passionate about making your loved one feel safe? Do you feel strongly about bringing laughter into your home?
- Next, do something each day that works toward your cause. Maybe a text message from you every day at lunch time would help your loved one to feel safe and secure. Perhaps playing some innocent practical jokes could bring some joy and laughter into your home.
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Work to accept those you love for who they are. A major component of devotion is acceptance. This means embracing your loved ones where they are at today, and not expecting them to be anything different. Don’t imagine them as some “better” version of themselves; see them for who they are and love them.^{[4]
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- Work to phase out the word "should" (and the attitude behind it). Anytime you find yourself beginning a sentence with the phrase “you should,” stop and ask yourself if it is important for you to tell your loved one what they “should” be doing.
- Check your tendency to project. Whenever something about a loved one is bothering you (a bad habit, an annoying tendency), stop and take a look in the mirror. Could it be that this behavior gets under your skin because it is something you also do? Identifying this can diffuse the annoyance, and put it aside.
- See the beauty in your loved ones today. Stop and appreciate something special about them that delights you.
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Put the needs of your loved ones first. A pillar of devotion is the ability to put the needs of others before your own. This act is simple, but it is one that requires practice. The first step is to listen to your loved ones. Chances are, they are constantly communicating their needs; all you need to is pay close attention. Then, consider how you can meet their needs, even when (or especially when) this means that your own needs must wait.^{[5]
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- For example, this can be something as small as allowing them to watch the television program they want to (even when something you want to see is on), or going to a restaurant you don't like (but they do).
- Alternatively, this could be something big, like allowing their elderly parent to move in with you. Although this may make your life difficult, it will make the life of your loved one a little better.
- Make sure that you balance the needs of your loved ones with your own needs or you may start to become resentful. For example, if you let a loved on watch a television program even though there is something that you want to watch on at the same time, then make sure that you get to watch your program the next time you watch TV together.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Devotion

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Speak “words of admiration.” Relationship counselor Gary Chapman explains that there are “five emotional love languages.” Understanding these five languages provides you with five different ways to express devotion for your loved ones. The first of these five languages is to speak words of admiration, that is, to compliment your loved ones, to praise them, to provide affection through spoken words.^{[6]
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- Tell your loved ones that they look nice or that you enjoy their company.
- Compliment their cooking.
- Thank them for straightening up while you were out.
2
Spend “quality time.” The next of the five love languages involves spending “quality time” together. Quality time is any time you are giving your loved one complete, undivided attention. Spend your quality time doing simple things that won’t be a source of distraction.^{[7]
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- Visit a museum.
- Hold a family game night.
- Build an outdoor fire and roast marshmallows.
3
Give gifts. Another way for you to express your devotion is by giving gifts. Remember, the mere act of presenting your loved one with a thoughtful token is an expression of devotion. It is not necessary for you to shower them with expensive things. Think of something small, perhaps even handmade, that your loved one would enjoy.^{[8]
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- Knit a scarf.
- Print out a picture of you together and put it in a frame.
- Buy the nice pair of running shoes they have been looking at.
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Complete “acts of service.” A fourth method of expressing devotion is to complete an act of service. The scope of the act doesn’t matter as much as the intention.^{[9]
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- This could be something simple, like taking out the trash.
- This could also be something more complicated, like building a bookshelf.
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Engage in physical touch. Finally, a fifth way to express your devotion to a loved one is through physical touch. If the loved one in question is a romantic partner, this may mean sex, snuggling, or kissing, But even if you are cultivating devotion for a child, parent, or friend, physical touch in the form of hugs, hand holding, or just being in close physical proximity can show devotion and strengthen bonds.^{[10]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Expressing Devotion in Subtle Ways

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Provide assurance. One subtle, yet powerful, way for you to communicate your devotion with a loved one is to talk about the future. Assure your loved one, in a quiet way, that you are moving toward a shared future together, and that you’ll always be there for him or her.^{[11]
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- Make plans for a future vacation you can save up for.
- Talk about what you will do after a big life change (after we finish school, after the kids go to college, after I get this promotion, etc.)
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Express your gratitude. You can simultaneously communicate your devotion and fortify it within yourself by expressing your gratitude on a regular basis. Aim to tell your loved one something you are grateful for (something about them, or something they have done) each and every day.^{[12]
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Practice self-disclosure. An important component of being devoted to someone involves allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means disclosing your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It means allowing your loved ones to witness your weaknesses as well as your strengths.^{[13]
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- Talk about your fears.
- If something is causing you anxiety, share that with your loved ones.
- Discuss your dreams and wishes for the future.
4
Focus on humility. Acts of devotion, by their very nature, work to diminish the ego and place emphasis on the needs of others. Encourage this process by working to be humble. This will make it easier for you to empathize with your loved ones.^{[14]
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- Work on being humble by first, recognizing your limitations. Understand that you are not the best at everything.
- Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, and admit when you have made them.
- Finally, don’t take the credit when it is not due. Instead, thank and credit others who deserve it.
5
Practice patience and understanding. Another good way to show your devotion to the people you love is to practice patience and understanding. When someone you love does something to make you upset or angry (which they inevitably will), stop and take a few deep breaths and then listen with a goal of understanding what your loved one is trying to communicate.
- Don't try to respond or come up with a response to your loved one while he or she is sharing. Just listen with the goal of understanding what your loved one is saying.
- If something is unclear, then clarify by saying something like, "I think I understand what you are saying, but I want to make sure. What you're saying is ___?"