How to Be Social at School

Last Updated: December 4, 2022 References

Have you ever wanted to become more social? Well, did you know that popularity is based on how social you are? So if you're shy, and want to learn how to break that curse, you've come to the right place!

Steps

1
Be kind. You have heard it a billion times. But take this seriously! No one really likes the mean popular girls. They're just scared of such girls. You don't have to be mean to be popular. Being mean doesn’t solve anything. Make sure you are kind to everyone, that would work better! Also try to be social at the same time. It will make others happy, and it will make you happier.^{[1]
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2
Give information, but only to people you know well. Give out your phone number, e-mail, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, whatever you have and would like to give out! This way, people can chat with you and see how you act. However, try to only give your contact information to people you know, not random strangers. Giving out personal details to strangers is unsafe and dangerous.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Federal Trade Commission
Website with up-to-date information for consumers from the Federal Trade Commisson
Go to source}

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3
Don't just force yourself into social situations. Become social as slowly as you want, but the process needs to be steady. You can say just 'hello!' to people you know and happen to see. After some days, you can start short talks with people. Only when you are sure you're confident enough, you can join a club; invite lots of friends over, etc. Forcing yourself into social situations won't help. Just keep this process gradual. Remember, you won't be from super shy to social butterfly all of a sudden. It takes time and effort.
4
Maintain your hygiene. Hygiene plays an important role in your social life. Proper hygiene is one of the keys to be healthier and happier. This helps you to make friends and keep them. It also builds your confidence and will make you more enjoyable to be around. By taking regular care of your body, you can feel great and be healthier without much time and effort. These simple habits and hygiene acts will keep you clean, fit, and healthy every day.
- Eat a balanced diet.^{[3]
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  Trustworthy Source
  National Health Service (UK)
  Public healthcare system of the UK
  Go to source}
- Keep yourself clean.
- Brush your teeth at least twice a day.^{[4]
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  Research source}
- Shower daily.
- Dress up neatly.
5
Try to be confident. Confidence, too, plays an important role in your social life. If you are confident, you can be social. Being confident may seem a bit tricky; but actually, it is not. The good news is that, feeling good about yourself, is only up to you! Even if you get embarrassed, everyone will forget that embarrassment in a couple of days. Later on, you'll feel better that you showed up to talk to someone!^{[5]
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6
Do not judge others, nor let them judge. Judging others, especially judgements like giving bad judgement to one friend and good to another; is WRONG. It will cause a lot of trouble, which will drift you back to your previous situation, shyness. But, if anyone insists you to judge a person or number of people, don't judge them. Rather say they all are equally good. Do not judge even mischievous people. If you are asked to judge him/her, just say, "Well, I don't like his/her behaviour." Remember that if you say this, you are judging the behaviour and not the person. This is exactly what you have to do.^{[6]
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Research source}
7
Seek social support, but don't trust anyone completely. People may gossip about the shy you. If you socialise, their gossiping may decrease. Don't trust any one completely. Avoid telling personal issues, if you don't want to look insecure. There may be a few episodes in the past when you trusted someone completely, and later on, everyone and even the person you had trusted made fun of you. This may be a reason why you're shy. Think about it. Also, when someone trusts you, keep them secure and do not make fun of them, ever. Encourage them to be social slowly but steadily, if they are shy just like you were.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.}
8
Talk according to the correct order.
- Speak least to strangers/bullies.
- Speak a little more to people that belong to your class.
- Speak more to people who are in your class, whom you know well.
- Speak the most with your best friend.
9
Be brave to be social. A good friend probably won't ask the reason why you became social, but, if he/she does, just say, "I was just bored." or "How about having some friends?" or "So you think I'll remain the same forever, huh?" But, if a bully asks you the same question then say firmly, "Mind your own business!"^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.}
10
Do your best. It will take time and patience. Don't force yourself into social situations. Increase the level of socialising with increasing confidence. Till then, short talks would be a good start.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Expert Interview. 18 December 2020.}

Community Q&A

Question

How can I tell if I'm anxious or just shy?

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.

Peggy Rios, PhD

Counseling Psychologist (Florida)

Expert Answer

It's a good question, since it's very easy to confuse the two. I'd say it helps to talk to a professional about this. Check in with a school counselor and walk them through how you feel. They'll be able to give you some guidance and let you know if you need some help for anxiety or not.
Question

Will just forcing myself to talk more help?

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.

Peggy Rios, PhD

Counseling Psychologist (Florida)

Expert Answer

It definitely can! Exposure therapy is a common way that people with anxiety improve their condition, and if you're just a little shy, this can help. Like anything in life, socializing gets easier with practice.
Question

What should I do if I can't hold long conversations?

Peggy Rios, PhD
Counseling Psychologist (Florida)
Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.

Peggy Rios, PhD

Counseling Psychologist (Florida)

Expert Answer

There's nothing wrong with having a shorter conversation. Try building your way up by sticking with each chat a little longer than you normally would. If you stick with it, you can develop a little bit of conversational stamina, which should help you get more comfortable over time.

Warnings

Don't invade people's personal space! If they don't want to hang out, don't force it on them.

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Don't force yourself into social situations unless you need to.

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Don't ever care about what other people say about you. Who needs them anyway?

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