How to Cope With Being in Love With a Fictional Character

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: October 9, 2022 References Approved

Falling in love with a fictional character is not unusual, and many people have found themselves emotionally attached to a character in a book, movie, TV show, or video game. You do want to be careful that these romantic feelings don’t prevent you from living your life or having real romantic relationships. That being said, romance with a fictional character can also be a good opportunity to find an outlet for your creativity, and learn more about yourself and what you need from a relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Sharing Your Love with Others

1
Know you are not alone. You are not the only person out there who is attracted to a fictional character. Chances are, you aren’t even the only person attracted to that particular character.
- Even without falling in love, many people can take emotional and verbal cues from characters they see portrayed in fiction. Romantic feelings are just one way fictional characters can affect our real life.^{[1]
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Talk about it with your friends. Chances are you aren’t the only one in your circle of friends to follow a certain type of fiction. Even if they do not care for the exact book you are reading, or show you are watching, they will understand some of the feelings you have.^{[2]
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3
Allow yourself to fantasize. Fantasy, creating a false world around your romance, is a normal reaction to love that has its limits. In this case, the limit is that the object of your affection does not exist.^{[3]
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- Your fantasy can take any kinds of forms. You may picture a physical relationship, or maybe imagine getting married and living your lives together. A more active imagination might even consider how the relationship would end, including divorce, combat, or death. All things are possible with your imagination.
4
Write fan fiction. One way to express your love for a fictional character is to explore your feelings in writing. Create a story involving the object of your affection, and build a situation where the two of you finally meet.^{[4]
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- Let your imagination run wild. If you are love with this character, consider what they do that attract you, and depict them doing more of it. Include yourself, creating a world where the two of you can be together.
- If you’re more of a visual person, try sketching or drawing your fictional character instead. Visual work can be just as imaginative as the written word.
5
Share your work with others. Post your story to a website that publishes fan fiction. You can find sites that cater to general audiences, or serve fans of a particular book or show. This also gives you an opportunity to provide feedback for other people’s stories.^{[5]
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- Just remember, if you are a character in your stories, to avoid posting personal details. You don’t want someone to be able to track you down based on private information that you made easily available online.
- Some people have been able to make a lot of money off of their fan fiction. These are the exceptions, so while you may be willing to publish your work online, don’t be surprised if only a few other diehards read it.^{[6]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Breaking the Spell

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Figure out if your love is hurting your life. Daydreaming or fantasizing is fine, but your fantasy should not take over your life. If you find yourself wanting to get out of social situations, or avoiding real relationships, then you have taken your love to an unhealthy place.^{[7]
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- If you are unable to stop fantasizing on your own, consider therapy or antidepressants to help break free. Discuss this option with a doctor if you are concerned about your ability to function.
2
Remember that the character isn’t real. In the end, you fell for a character, someone who does not exist. Make sure that is clear in your mind, even if it means stating it over and over again.^{[8]
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- Try to look for your character’s flaws or negative aspects. If he doesn’t have any, that itself is a flaw. No one is perfect, and you wouldn’t be okay with a real relationship where nothing was wrong with your partner.^{[9]
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- Sometimes it helps to have other people say these things to you to make them more real. Discuss your desire to cut yourself off from this fictional world with your friends. They can help you of things that are real, and what isn’t.
3
Recognize stereotyping. Especially in visual fiction, many characters are portraying stereotypes of people. A good way to get over your character is to remember that he is just a representation of reality. Real people aren’t necessarily as perfect, or romantic, or witty, or uncomplicated (or whatever adjective you choose) as your fictional character.
- This step is also important when considering how you react to characters you don’t like. Certain types of people are depicted in specific ways to get a reaction from you. For example, teacher characters can be shown as cranky old people who want their students to fail. While some of these people exist, that hardly represents them, and shouldn’t affect the way you interact with real teachers, especially those who are younger and friendly.^{[10]
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Cut yourself off. This is good advice for ending relationships with real people too. If you want to stop thinking about and caring about someone, cut them out of your life. This will give you room to grow, and be able to live your life without them.^{[11]
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- Don’t read the books, watch the shows or movies, or do anything involving that character. This also means avoiding websites that talk about this fictional world. You wouldn’t want to stalk an ex on Facebook, so don’t give yourself a similar opportunity here.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Coping with Despair Over the Loss of a Character

1
Remember that it’s okay to grieve. You have let this character become part of your life, especially if he or she has appeared in something you have read or watched for a long time. It is natural to feel some sense of loss.^{[12]
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- For teenagers and young adults who have not yet experienced death, fictional worlds can be a good entrance to thinking about and discussing the issue. Consider sharing your feelings with others. You may find this can be a good way to start talking about serious issues in your real life as well.^{[13]
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2
Vent your feelings. If your favorite character has been killed off, or written out of the fictional world, you’ll probably be angry. Let others know about it. You will be experiencing some extreme feelings, and sometimes it’s better just to let those out.^{[14]
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- Just be careful about spoilers when dealing with popular books, movies, or TV shows. In the modern world, people don’t always experience things together, meaning some people won’t see things as soon as you do. If you posting on a public forum like Twitter, keep your comments vague, saying “I can’t believe that happened” rather than “Why did they kill my favorite character.” Keep the details for people you know are on the same schedule as you.^{[15]
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3
Find ways to remember your character. Reflect on what made him so important to the story, and what made you fall for him. Talk to friends or others about the character, why his death is so frustrating, and what you liked most.^{[16]
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- Reread or rewatch the parts of the book or show where your fictional love appears. The great thing about fictional worlds like this is that we can always go back.
- Look for other ways to keep the character in front of you, whether writing your own fan fiction, or drawing the character so you can see him again.
4
Keep reading or watching. Good fiction will deal with what follows from a character’s death. After she is gone, stick with the show or book so you can see the other characters react. This can help you accept what has happened.^{[17]
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- Alternatively, you can take a break from the show or book. If you are truly emotionally afflicted by what has happened, you’ll want to take some time away from this fictional world to make sure it isn’t overly affecting your real life.
5
Remember that someone else controls your character’s fate. The difficult thing about fictional characters is that their story does end at some point. In the end, all of their actions are the result of someone else’s imagination. That means only that person has control of what happens. Even if your character didn’t die, the book or show would eventually end.^{[18]
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Community Q&A

Question

What is Fictiophilia?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

This is a neologism that describes an attraction or deep affection for fictional characters in books, anime, cartoons, comics, stories, etc. A fan (or fanboy/fangirl) may be so attracted to the character that the character’s features, actions and traits become idealized and more desirable than people in real life. The fan may even fall in love with the character and wish to spend their life with the character.
Question

Can you marry a fictional character?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

You can have a fictional marriage with a fictional character. For example, there is a website called "Marry Your Fictional Character Online," which provides a space where you can virtually marry your fictional character and get a marriage certificate. In Japan, marrying anime characters sometimes takes place using virtual reality ceremonies. Or, you could create your own ceremony at home, either by yourself or by inviting other fiction character fans to attend, and you can even have all the usual trappings of a wedding, from wedding clothes to reception food. All such "marriages" are fictional and internally created, they are not legally recognized.
Question

What if this character is/was a horrible person, but you still feel a strong emotional attachment anyway?

Community Answer

All characters, regardless of how wicked, have some virtue or trait that makes them interesting or engaging; that's how stories move. This character clearly left an impression on you for a reason. You may feel the way you do for him/her because of something they did or said, or possibly just by their role in the story. Maybe there's something you admire about this person, even if they are/were horrible.