How to Deal With Porn Addiction

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Last Updated: December 3, 2022 References Approved

Compulsive use of the internet for porn can interfere with daily life and your relationships, leaving you feeling ashamed. If you notice porn having a negative impact on your life but find yourself having difficulty cutting it out, you may need to go to greater lengths to get your problem under control. By replacing your negative behavior with positive ones, you can beat this habit.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Evaluating the Problem

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Understand healthy sexuality. Healthy sexuality recognizes that sexuality is a positive and enriching form of communication in which we give, receive, and personally experience pleasure and emotions. It is an expression that can benefit us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Unhealthy sexuality includes feeling shame around sexuality, seeing sexual energy as uncontrollable, using sex as exploitation or to hurt someone, using power or force over someone in a way that was not mutually consented.
- Pornography addicts use porn as a way to cope with boredom, anxiety, or other powerful feelings.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
  Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.} They may use pornography to feel important, wanted, or powerful.^{[2]
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2
Identify signs of internet addiction. There are no set guidelines that mark when internet consumption becomes an addiction. However, there are some markers that indicate your use of the internet and pornography has become a problem that interferes with your life. Some common signs include:^{[3]
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- Losing track of time spent watching pornography
- Having difficulty completing tasks at work or at home
- Social isolation away from family and friends
- Feeling guilty or defensive about porn usage
- Feeling a sense of euphoria when consuming pornography
- Continued use despite negative consequences
- Porn consumption feels out of your control; efforts have been unsuccessful to stop
- Use of pornography consumes your thoughts; you anticipate use when unavailable
- Your intimacy with a partner has become strained due to use^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
  Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2020.}
3
Decide what needs to change. Once you've decided if you have a problem, you'll need to identify what exactly you're wanting to change. Some people may want to stop porn consumption altogether, while others may want to change how and when they watch porn. You may want to stop watching a certain genre of pornography. Be clear in what you want to change in order to move forward.^{[6]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Breaking Free From Addiction

1
Combat underlying problems. For some people, excessive use of the internet and pornography results as a way to self-soothe. Stress, depression and anxiety may be underlying problems that fuel an internet and pornography addiction. Perhaps you struggled with drugs or alcohol in the past. Excessive internet use and pornography may be a way of numbing similar to how drugs helped you cope.^{[7]
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- Consider addressing ways to cope with depression, deal with anxiety, relieve stress, and free yourself from substances.
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Build your coping skills. If you use porn as a way to cope with your emotions, there are more productive ways to cope. If you use pornography because you are shy interacting with individuals you are romantically interested in, consider building your social skills. Perhaps you deal with anger or frustration through internet and porn. Find ways to address these areas of your life that don't include pornography.^{[8]
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- Learn healthy ways to Control Anger and Cope With Frustration
- Consider engaging in healthy daily activities, such as physical activity or sports, meditation, relaxation, yoga, deep breathing.
3
Combat boredom. Since excessive porn consumption is generally a habit, one of the major causes is boredom. You simply don't have anything else you'd rather be doing, so you turn to internet and pornography for entertainment.^{[9]
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Research source} If you combat boredom and fill your time with other activities, you can kick a porn habit.
- One good way to fight boredom is to get involved in a community. This is better than picking up a hobby since you'll have people to whom you're accountable and that will notice if you're gone. You can join a sports club, a reading group, or start volunteering.
4
Deal with loneliness. Loneliness can also drive people to excessive porn use. If you find that you're isolating yourself from other people, make an effort to meet people and interact. Focus on building your relationships so that you experience healthy, satisfying relationships with those around you so you're not always alone^{[10]
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- Learn ways to make friends
- If you are interested in having a relationship but don't know where to start, see How to Get a Girlfriend and How to Get a Boyfriend.
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Strengthen your support network. Spend more time with your family, or determine to build or strengthen friendships. Have friends that can support you in dealing with your internet and pornography habit, and encourage you as you quit. Find the friends you trust and discuss your problem with them, and ask them for help.^{[11]
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6
Overcome trauma. Trauma is often a source of addiction problems.^{[12]
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Recovery.org
Resource run by the American Addiction Centers organization providing people with educational resources about substance abuse
Go to source} If you suffered a sexually-based emotional or physical trauma, you may be more likely to develop an unhealthy relationship with porn. If this is the case with you, you should consult with a mental health professional so that you can work to overcome your trauma.
- Ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist.
- Often, simply acknowledging your trauma and talking about it to friends, family members, and other survivors can help you come to terms with those feelings and start moving toward healthier behaviors.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Modifying Your Environment

1
Use an internet censor. Check your browser preferences and change the settings. Some browsers offer extensions to help you avoid certain websites, which will block a website entirely. Play around with the settings until you can have your browser safeguard you from engaging in any behavior you are trying to avoid.
2
Log your internet usage. Track your internet usage for non-work and non-essential activities. Notice if there are certain times of day you tend to use the internet or if usage follows after certain events. Note any triggers that cause you to stay online for hours instead of minutes.^{[13]
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Use a timer to monitor internet usage. Allow yourself to use the internet at structured times. Set a timer when you use the internet for browsing or entertainment. Then, when the timer goes off, stop using the internet.^{[14]
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Use the computer in a public location. It is generally looked down upon to consume pornography in public settings. Use this to your advantage and determine to safeguard yourself from temptation by only using your computer in public locations. When using the internet, use it only in places where other people can see you.
- Go to a coffee shop or library, or set up your computer in your living room and not your bedroom.
- The goal is to avoid complete privacy as a way to detract from the impulse to consume porn.
5
Cultivate a better environment. Sometimes, your environment may be what is leading you to an unhealthy relationship with pornography. Avoid friends who encourage you to use porn constantly and clean up your computer if it's full of easily accessible files and browser ads or pop-ups that tempt you.
6
Find more satisfying sex. Many people with porn addictions are married or in other committed relationships. If this is you and you still find yourself drawn to porn, you may want to find ways address your sex life differently. This may not be as easy as trying new positions and may require a lot of work that you may be avoiding. Focus on building emotional intimacy with your partner and focus on trust. When engaging in sex, focus on being in the moment and enjoying your sexuality and your partner's sexuality.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Help

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Talk to a therapist. If trying to break your addiction on your own isn't working out, remember that you can always consult with a professional. Therapists are trained to deal with addiction and can help support you as you break free from internet addiction and pornography.
2
Check out specialized resources. There are also many resources that are available to help you with this specific problem. Many websites and programs are devoted to helping with internet addiction and pornography, though they will have varying levels of credibility. There are also a couple of different addiction organizations, in the style of Alcoholics Anonymous, which deal with sex and porn addictions. If you've not had luck with anything else, these might help you:
- Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
- Sex Addicts Anonymous
3
Want to change. At the end of the day, the thing that's going to play the biggest role in whether or not you can change is whether or not you want to make a change. Find a reason to be invested. The reason will depend on you: getting healthier, getting more free time, having more satisfying relationships, or making the people that you love happier. There are lots of good reasons.

Additional Resources

Organization	Phone Number
Sexual Addicts Anonymous	(800) 477-8191
Sexaholics Anonymous	(866) 424-8777
Sexual Compulsives Anonymous	(800) 977-4325
Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health	(610) 348-4783

Warnings

Do not replace pornography with other destructive behaviours such as drugs/alcohol.

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Shame is not a useful feeling when combating addiction. Avoid letting yourself feel ashamed since this will only create an emotionally unhealthy state for you.

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It is unlawful to consume child pornography. The children are victims of abuse and exploitation. If your addiction involves child pornography, seek help immediately.

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