How to Get Out of the Friend Zone After Rejection

Co-authored by Suzanna Mathews and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 8, 2022 References

Telling someone you like them is hard enough—but what do you do after you’ve been rejected? Getting stuck in the friend zone after expressing your feelings can be a bummer, but don’t worry: there are things you can try to exit the friend zone and enter the relationship zone. Keep reading to learn how you can convince your crush that you’re relationship material even after they shoot you down.

1

Give your crush some space.

Being clingy or needy can make them see you as more of a friend. If you used to see your crush every day, aim for a few times a week. If you two used to text each other all day every day, try to only reply every couple of hours. If you push yourself onto your crush and try to be around them all the time, it might have the opposite effect of what you want. Usually, pulling back can make someone realize what they might have missed out on.^{[1]
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- You can use this time to focus on yourself. Try diving into your hobbies or nurturing your friendships with other people that you might have been ignoring.

2

Busy yourself with other things.

If your crush asks to hang out, tell them that you can’t. You don’t need to ignore them completely, but tell them you have other plans, then see if they can hang out later.^{[2]
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Research source} If you make it seem like you’re off having fun without them and really enjoying your life, they might just think about what they’re missing (which is exactly what you want).
- Even if you aren’t out having the time of your life, you can make it seem like you are. Don’t lie outright, but just tell your crush that you’re really busy and you can’t hang out this week.

3

Tell your crush that other people are interested in you.

You might be able to make your crush jealous this way. If you two are chatting about your love lives, let it slip that you’ve had a couple people ask you out or start talking to you. Sometimes, this will make people realize that they don’t want to lose you, and it can kick you out of the friend zone in no time.^{[3]
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- You could say something like, “Yeah, it’s weird, just last week 2 people asked me for my number! I must be getting hotter or something, haha.”

4

Stay away from self-deprecating jokes.

Goofy jokes about how dumb you are can be more of a friendship thing. While it can feel easy to say, “I’m such a klutz!” laughing at yourself can drive you even deeper into the friend zone. Instead, be confident about yourself and who you are, and try not to engage in a ton of self-deprecating humor.^{[4]
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- You want your crush to see you in a positive light, not necessarily in a goofy one.

5

Ask them for favors.

Studies show that doing favors for people actually makes you like them more. It’s because your crush will feel needed, and they might even feel like they’re doing relationship-esque things for you. Next time you’re in a jam, call up your crush and ask them to help you out.^{[5]
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- For example, if you were running late this morning and didn’t have any breakfast, you might ask them to pick you up something on their way in.
- If your car breaks down, ask them for a ride.

6

Be a little flirty.

You want to remind your crush that you’re potential date material. When you two hang out, tease them a little, and add in a few flirty quips as you chat. It’s fine to be friendly, but try to keep it in their head that you’re okay with being more than that.^{[6]
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- A good way to flirt subtly is just to give your crush a compliment. Something like, “You always make me laugh,” or, “You have the best smile,” is flattering, but it also shows you might be interested.
- Be playful and build a connection with your crush.

7

Focus on the things you have in common.

Your similar interests might just be what brings you two together. When you hang out with your crush, talk about the TV shows you both like or suggest doing something related to your hobbies. If your crush realizes that you’re actually very compatible, they might just be open to trying out a relationship with you.^{[7]
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- You might even say things like, “Wow, we have so much in common, it’s crazy!”

8

Ask your crush to hang out one on one.

Group hang outs are fun, but they’re definitely more of a “friend” activity. Instead, ask your crush to hang out with you and only you so you can spend some quality time together. You can still see your mutual friends, but make sure you’re making time just for the two of you as well. That way, you can chat and get to know your crush on a deeper, more intimate level.^{[8]
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- When you two do hang out, try doing “date-like” activities, like going out to dinner or watching a movie together.
- However, don’t pressure your crush to hang out with you alone if they don’t want to. After you’ve told them that you like them, they might only want to hang out in groups for a little while, which is okay.

9

Break the touch barrier.

Touch your crush on the arm or the shoulder. Light, flirty touches like these can bring you from “friend” over to “potential crush” in their minds. If your crush just told a funny joke, touch them on the arm as you laugh your head off. If they’re telling you something sweet, pat them on the hand or on the back. Doing this a couple of times might just get them thinking about you in another way.^{[9]
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- If your crush ever pulls away or looks uncomfortable, don’t try to touch them again. Some people really don’t like being touched, and that’s okay.

10

Tell your crush how grateful you are for them.

Make sure your crush knows just how important they are to you. You already told you that you like them, so you don’t have to do that again—instead, thank them for being in your life and hanging out with you. When you’re grateful for someone, it makes them think about why they’re grateful for you, which is a good way to get the thought of a romantic partnership going.^{[10]
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- You might say something like, “I’m really glad you and I are friends. I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

11

Respect your crush’s decision no matter what.

They might only ever see you as a friend, and that’s okay. If you two just aren’t meant to be, take it as a sign that you should set your sights elsewhere. There are plenty of other people out there who would love to date you, so don’t give up!^{[11]
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- Plus, having a great friendship can be even more valuable than getting into a relationship with someone.