How to Get Someone to Notice You

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: September 6, 2022 References

Getting someone to notice you can be pretty difficult, and a lot of times it just comes down to luck. However, you can try to turn luck in your favor by following some simple advice. Remember, never overdo it or draw attention to yourself in a negative way. That’s a bad way to get noticed.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Earning Her Attention Indirectly

1
Smile at her. It’s so simple, and yet it is so effective.^{[1]
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Research source} A smile immediately opens the door to a conversation. More than likely, she will smile back at you too. Smiling is very inviting and attractive.
2
Make eye contact.^{[2]
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Research source
hhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting} Don’t stare at her constantly and freak her out, but make sure she knows you are looking at her. If you make eye contact, smile and hold it for a second, then look away. This will let her know that you are into her, and she will be more likely to notice you.
- Some say maintaining eye contact 50 % of the time while talking and 70 % of the time while listening is a good balance.^{[3]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Michigan State University Extension
  Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement
  Go to source} Obviously there is no exact calculation, but it is a good idea to make eye contact early and often and maintain it for at least four or five seconds.^{[4]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Michigan State University Extension
  Extension program of Michigan State University focused on community outreach, education, and engagement
  Go to source}
- For example, try to make eye contact with her periodically while you joke around and hang out with your friends. If you can catch her eye while you are smiling and laughing with your friends she'll be more likely to notice you. She'll see you are having a good time and that you are the life of the party.
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3
Take up a lot of space in the room. This is true for both genders.^{[5]
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Research source}. If you come off seeming sociable and confident by taking up a lot of space in the room and engaging with many different people, you are much more likely to be noticed. If you’re shy and standing in the corner you aren’t doing yourself many favors. You need to be brave and put yourself out there.
- Even if you aren’t very brave, this can be an easier way to get noticed. Your friends are probably the people you feel most comfortable around. Joking with them is much easier than making conversation with the person you want to notice you.
- Some studies show that people think more highly of and are more responsive to you when you strike power poses.^{[6]
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  Research source} Power poses are stances in which your body is open to the group, rather than hunched or contracted.
4
Put yourself near her.^{[7]
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Research source} You need to be in a position where she can see you if you want to attract her attention. Stand in her line of sight at a bar or hang out near her. If you go to school with her, try walking past her in the hallway or talking to her teacher. This can at least make her acknowledge you, if only for a second.
5
Talk to people around her.^{[8]
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Research source} Sometimes it can be nerve wracking to talk directly to the person that you are attracted to. However, talking to other people around her while you are in a group is a good way to get her to notice you. If you are friends with some or one of her friends, you could talk to this person while they are with her. You could even ask this person to introduce the two of you.
- For example, if you know someone that she is talking to come up and enter the conversation by talking to that person. Then, once you reach a break in the conversation, you can introduce yourself to her without any awkwardness.
6
Wear bright colors. It’s been shown that female hitchhikers are much more likely to be picked up if they are wearing red. It has to do with the way our brains respond to sensory cues. Consider ditching your grey sweater and wearing some brighter clothing.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Addressing the Person Directly

1
Ask him a question, or for advice.^{[10]
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Research source} If you have the opportunity, try asking him a question or answering a question he might have. This will make him think that you value his advice and opinion, and you'll also have opened the door to further conversation.
- For example, asking for directions is always a great way to start conversation. You could also say "hey, sorry for bothering you, but are you from around here? I was wondering if you had any recommendations on where to get a good cup of coffee?" Then if he seems open to the conversation you can invite him to grab some coffee with you.
2
Make small talk. Ask him how he knows the host of the party, or even just walk up to him and say “can I sit with you?”^{[11]
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Research source}. This will give him the chance to make a little conversation, even if he doesn't know you. By saying anything at all you have given him the green light to start talking to you.
- Once they say you can sit with them you need to be prepared to make conversation. Say something like, "what does this house remind you of?" or, "have you seen anything interesting today?". This will jump start a conversation more than a question like "how was your weekend?"^{[12]
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  Research source}
3
Lend him something, or do a favor. If you notice he needs a pen or a pencil, offer him one. If he drops something on the street, help him pick it up. If he isn’t sure what to order at a bar, make a suggestion. Little favors like this won’t freak him out but will definitely make him notice you. Empathetic statements work really well too.^{[13]
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Research source}
- For example, if he is complaining about his job say something like. "I could see that being really difficult. How do you handle that day by day?"
4
Flirt. Flirting is a time-honored way to get someone to notice you. Make little jokes or tease the person. Try complimenting him in an indirect way. Flirt with him partially with body language and partially with the things you say. Try to maintain eye contact and smile at the things that he says. Move closer to him in a non-threatening way and open up your body towards him. If you’re sitting on a couch close together, don’t be afraid to let your knee slide over and touch his. Ask the person questions and find out what he is interested in. You should try to be genuinely interested in what he is saying.^{[14]
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Research source}
- For example, if you’re ordering drinks at a busy bar try saying “could you help me out here? I think the bartender might notice a cute guy more quickly than he’ll notice me.”
5
Offer them a warm beverage. If you are sitting at a coffee shop and you really want a guy to notice you, try giving him a cup of coffee or tea. Studies show that giving someone that kind of warmth is associated with being friendly and approachable.^{[15]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Taking Care of Yourself

1
Pay attention to your personal hygiene. When someone does notice you, you want it to be for a positive reason, not because you smell bad or haven’t shaved in weeks. Try to shower and wash your hair regularly, wear deodorant, and try to look generally presentable. You don’t need to wear makeup everyday, but it’s good to put in a little effort.
2
Dress well. The person you like is much more likely to notice you if you’re wearing clothes that compliment you. Wearing baggy sweatpants might not be the best idea every single day. However, if they are into the sporty type maybe that is a good way to get them to notice you. Regardless, it’s a good idea to wear clothes that you think you look good in. This will make you more confident and therefore more attractive.
3
Keep in good shape. For better or for worse, many people are more attracted to people who are in good shape. You don’t have to be as skinny as a super model or as muscular as an NFL player, but you should look like you take care of your body. Try to eat healthy and exercise regularly. This will have a positive impact on your general health, your confidence, and your ability to get this person to notice you.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you attract people?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples' relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book "Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids" and also wrote "Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband". Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

That old cliche "be yourself," is a cliche for a reason. It's rare for people to like somebody who is not authentic. Show people who you really are. Aside from being yourself, always be kind. Try complimenting people on what you notice and like about them.