How to Get over a Crush on Your Boss

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: November 2, 2021 References

Work relationships are tricky so you might be concerned if you have a crush on your boss. You're probably struggling to reconcile your emotions, but how can you get over your feelings? Fortunately, recognizing your attraction can help you move on and maintain professionalism. Check out our suggestions for getting past your feelings and moving on with your life.

1

Acknowledge your feelings.

Admit to yourself how you feel about your boss. Keep in mind that this is completely different from telling your boss how you feel. The point is to admit to yourself that you're attracted so you can start to move on.^{[1]
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- For instance, you might think, "I'm starting to develop feelings for Nadia. She's so funny and charismatic."

2

Keep things professional.

Don't act on your feelings for your boss.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} It's completely understandable to crush on your boss—you might have common interests, you spend a lot of time together, etc. However, dating your boss is not a good idea. You might lose your job or the respect of your colleagues. Fortunately, you can get over your crush if you ignore your attraction and look after yourself.^{[3]
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- For instance, you might realize you're attracted to certain qualities in a person. If you focus on meeting new people and developing relationships, you may meet people who have similar qualities.

3

Minimize contact with your boss.

Give yourself space at work to get over them. This can be hard if you work with a small staff and you see your boss frequently during the day, but try to stay away from them. Don't drop by their office to chat or hang out in the breakroom if they're in there. If it's not possible to do this, keep your interactions really brief.^{[4]
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- For example, if a group of you are going out after work and you know your boss will be there, make up an excuse not to go.

4

Ignore your boss on social media.

Unfollow them and stop checking their posts. Sure, it's tempting to check and see what your boss does in their free time, but this can lead to obsessing over them or fantasizing about involving yourself in their life. To make it easier on yourself, don't follow them online, send them messages, or like their content.^{[5]
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- It's really easy to send flirty messages on social media so remove this temptation and don't interact virtually.

5

Remind yourself of the consequences.

Think of all the problems that a relationship could cause.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} Dating your boss might be something you're fantasizing about, but being realistic can throw cold water on your passion. To separate fantasy from reality, run through the consequences of dating your boss. You could lose your job or the respect of your co-workers. Colleagues might treat you differently or resent you. Plus, if the relationship doesn't work out, they'll probably still be your boss.^{[7]
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- If you're currently in a relationship, ask yourself if you're feeling neglected or unhappy. Sometimes, developing a crush means that you need to focus more on improving your current relationship.
- If you or your boss is married or currently dating someone else, consider if a relationship is worth a breakup, especially if either of you has kids. Be aware that this would make you the other man or woman in a new relationship.

6

Distract yourself.

Focus on your work or pick up a new skill. If you can't stop thinking about your boss, do something that's mentally challenging. This might mean throwing yourself into a big work project that your boss isn't directly involved in, taking a class, or volunteering. It's also a great chance to catch up on tasks you've been putting off.^{[8]
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- Distractions can be fun! Sign up for a class that you've always wanted to take or join a fitness group. Make plans to travel or read books you've put off.

7

Meet new people.

Ask to go on double-dates or hang out at social places. Your friends or colleagues might be able to introduce you to people. Sometimes, just mixing with new people can put a damper on your crush. For instance, you might really hit it off with someone you meet at a concert or bar.^{[9]
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- You can hang out with old friends, too! The point is to get social and spend time not thinking about your boss.

8

Confide in a friend.

Talking it out with someone you trust can help you get over it.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} Choose a good friend who has your best interests at heart and tell them how you feel about your boss. It can be good to talk about how you feel with someone outside of your workplace, and your friend can give you honest feedback.^{[11]
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- Don't get offended if your friend is harsh or really straightforward. Remember, they care about you and don't want you to jeopardize your career.

9

Avoid talking about your boss with your co-workers.

Stick to talking about business or your own life. It's easy to casually ask about your boss, especially their personal life, but try not to do this. If you really want to get over your feelings, don't tell your co-workers how much you're interested in your boss or they may keep bringing it up with you.^{[12]
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- It's fine to let your co-workers know that you're interested in starting a relationship—just don't tell them you like the boss.

10

Talk with a counselor or therapist.

Reach out to a mental health professional if you're still obsessing.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.} If you've tried to get over your feelings but they're getting stronger and affecting your life, talk to a professional. They may be able to help you see why you're fixating on your boss. It might be that you're attracted to specific qualities they have and, if you realize this, you can look for those traits in another person.^{[14]
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- Although it's drastic, you might consider looking for a new job if you really don't think you can comfortably work around your boss anymore.