How to Have a Crush

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: July 18, 2022 References

Having a crush starts with finding that special someone who gives you butterflies, whether it's a friend of a friend or someone you ran into at the grocery store. Pay attention to your feelings and behaviors to determine if you're crushing, then try a few sneaky strategies to get them to notice you. And if you think they might be into you, too, tell them how you feel. Fingers crossed!

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Finding Someone to Crush On

1
Get involved in a social activity if you want to meet someone new. Reading or knitting are both great hobbies, but they likely won’t expose you to new people. Choose an activity that involves interacting with other people rather than one that’s done solo. Some examples include playing on a sports team, taking a group cooking class, or joining a robotics club.^{[1]
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- Pick things that appeal to you and match your interests. If you hate working out, for instance, don’t join the local CrossFit gym.
- You can also find ways to turn solo activities into social ones. For example, if you like reading, join a book club or volunteer at the library.
2
Ask your friends if they know anyone you might be interested in. Don’t just limit yourself to the people in your social circle, school, or neighborhood. Branch out by letting your friends know that you’re single and ready to mingle. They may have just the perfect match in mind for you.^{[2]
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- Browse your friends’ friends on Facebook or Instagram and see if anyone catches your eye. If they do, ask for an introduction.
- You can also start hanging out with different groups that your friends are in. For example, maybe your best friend is in drama club. Go with them to the next theater house party to meet new people.
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3
Put down your phone so you don't miss out on potential crushes. Being more observant will increase your chances of finding a crush. Instead of scrolling through Instagram while you wait for your coffee tomorrow morning, look around you. Otherwise you might miss the flirty smile the hipster barista gave you, or the cute girl who held the door for you.
- Focusing on your phone also makes you seem unapproachable. By looking up, people are more likely to talk to you.
- Try leaving your phone in your pocket or even at home the next time you’re out somewhere.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Figuring Out If You Have a Crush

1
Notice if you’re in a better mood, especially when they’re nearby. When you have feelings for someone, your brain produces more serotonin, which is the hormone that makes you happy. If your mood spikes every time they’re in the same room as you, it may be a sign that there’s an attraction.^{[3]
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- Higher levels of serotonin can also make you feel better in general, even if your crush isn’t around.
- Rule out other factors that could be affecting your mood. For instance, if you also just got chosen as cheer captain, those happy feelings might not be coming from your potential crush.
2
Pay attention to how much you think or talk about them.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you’re crushing on someone, you’re bound to bring them up in conversation whenever you can or spend hours every day thinking about them more than other things. This might even happen subconsciously, without you really noticing it.^{[5]
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- Ask your friends if they’ve noticed you bringing up your crush an excessive amount.
- If you aren’t sure how often you think about your crush, try making a note every time they cross your mind for a day. At night, look at your list. If it’s long, you probably like them more than a little bit.
3
See how you feel when you get a text or phone call from them. It’s normal to be happy when you see an incoming text from a friend or family member, but if you get butterflies or a feeling of elation when you see their name on the screen, it’s probably a crush. Check in with your emotions the next time they call or text you.^{[6]
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- Butterflies are like a fluttering sensation in your stomach, and can be accompanied by a racing heart or clammy palms.
- This also applies to how you feel when they like one of your pictures on Instagram or wave at you in the hallway, for instance.
4
Check if you’re overanalyzing everything they do. Obsessing over every little thing that someone says or does is a sure sign that you have feelings for them. For instance, if they don’t text you back within 10 minutes, you start wondering if they’re mad at you or if they aren’t interested. Your thought patterns become irrational when you’re crushing on someone.^{[7]
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- You might also find yourself constantly checking your phone to see if they liked your latest Instagram selfie or spending hours debating whether the smile they gave you meant that they like you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Getting Your Crush’s Attention

1
Smile and make eye contact if you want to look confident.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Don’t avoid looking at them, even if you’re nervous. Maintain eye contact while they’re talking to avoid coming across as insecure or uninterested. Adding a pretty smile will light up your face and make you more approachable.^{[9]
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- For an extra flirty touch, occasionally drag your eyes away for a few seconds, then look back at them. It adds a sense of mystery.
- Stay away from cheesy or forced grins. Instead, smile however is natural for you, and only do it when it’s appropriate. That means no smiling when they’re talking about how their dog passed away, for instance.
2
Dress in a way that makes you feel both comfortable and sexy. Wear clothes that flatter your body shape and that you feel good in. You don’t have to show a lot of skin or pick super tight clothing. Sometimes leaving a little to the imagination is even sexier, especially if you carry yourself confidently.^{[10]
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- For example, if you feel best in jeans and a T-shirt, don’t show up in a spandex miniskirt the next time you see your crush. You’ll actually come across as more attractive when you’re more comfortable in what you’re wearing.
- Use your clothes to highlight your best features. If you love your sculpted abs, wear a crop top with high-waisted shorts. Or, if you’re a guy who wants to flaunt his muscular arms, go with a tank top or fitted T-shirt.
- Don’t confuse comfort with sloppiness, though. Baggy sweatpants or messy hair are not ways to impress your crush.
3
Ask them questions about themselves to show that you’re interested. The next time you talk, instead of going on and on about yourself, ask about what fun plans they have coming up or how they felt about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, for instance. People love to talk about themselves and by asking questions, you’re subtly telling them that you care.^{[11]
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- Don’t interrogate them or bombard them with question after question. Find a healthy balance between asking questions, listening, and talking.
- For example, when they say they spent time with their little sister last weekend, instead of moving onto a new topic, ask, “What’s your sister like?” or “What kinds of things do you guys like to do together?” to keep the conversation centered on them.
4
Invite them somewhere where you can show off your personality. To give your crush a glimpse at the best side of you, invite them to an activity or event where you’ll be in your element. For example, if you’re a star soccer player, ask if they want to join this weekend’s pickup game. They’ll get to see you doing what you love, and that’s incredibly attractive.^{[12]
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- You could say something like, "We need one more person for our weekly pickup game on Saturday. It's always a great time! Want to join?"
- Spending time with them in a group setting is also a good way to feel them out. If they never leave your side, for instance, they may be into you. But if they spend the whole time flirting with another person in the group, you’ll know where you stand.
- If you know that the 2 of you have a shared interest, like country music, invite them to a concert with some friends. Doing things together that make you both happy is a great way to bond.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Letting Your Crush Know How You Feel

1
Figure out if they like you back first if you don't want to be embarrassed. Other than asking them directly, there’s no surefire way to know how your crush feels about you. But there are signs you can look for, like how they act around you or how often they text you. If it seems like they’re into you, it will make you more confident confessing your own feelings and reduce the risk of rejection.^{[13]
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- If you aren’t really sure how your crush feels, or if all signs point to a lack of interest, you might want to reconsider admitting your feelings to them. It may be best to just move on.
How to Tell if Your Crush Likes You Back

They lean towards you when you're talking.

They make any excuse to touch you, even if it's just a hand on your arm.

They give you a lot of attention, no matter who else is around.

They compliment you often.

They treat you differently than they treat other people.
2
Tell them how you feel in person or over the phone, not via text. Expressing your feelings for someone is one thing you shouldn’t say over text. Be brave and do it face to face, or at the very least, with a phone call. Ask them to meet you somewhere, or pull them aside if you’re out with a group.^{[14]
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- For example, you could send a text that said, "Hey! Want to grab coffee tomorrow?"
- You don't have to include a vague, ominous message about wanting to talk, either. Simply ask to get together.
3
Work your way up to confessing how you feel instead of blurting it out.^{[15]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Ease into the conversation rather than blurting it out so they don’t feel ambushed or put on the spot. It also gives you the opportunity to gather courage and warm up a little bit.^{[16]
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- Start by asking about their day or how their weekend was, then create a natural lead-in to your big confession.
- For example, after you make a little bit of small talk, say something like, “So I have something I want to talk to you about. And please know that you don’t have to respond or react, but I just want to put it out there. I really like you and would love to go on a date sometime if you’re interested.”
4
Respect their decision if they turn you down. No matter how sure you are that they like you back, there’s always a chance they won’t have romantic feelings for you. Be mentally prepared for that response, and be mature and accept whatever they say.^{[17]
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- Respond calmly with something like, "That's okay. I completely understand. Thanks for being honest with me."
- Don’t cause a scene or get overly emotional. It’s okay to cry and be sad later at home, but don’t embarrass yourself in front of them or make them uncomfortable.
Dealing with Rejection

Limit how long you wallow. Let yourself be sad for a little bit, but after 1 to 2 weeks, pick yourself up and move on.

Unfollow them on social media. Looking at pictures of them or stalking their Instagram will only hurt you, not help you. Unfollow or even block their accounts.

Put it in perspective. Ask yourself if this will matter in 5 years. Chances are that it won't, so let it go.

Spend time with people who love you. There are plenty of people who like you for you. Hang out with your family or go out with your friends to remind yourself of that.

Get professional help if you're really struggling. If you think you might be depressed or if you can't get over the hurt, consider seeing a therapist or psychologist.

Community Q&A

Question

How can I find a crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try reaching out and talking to new people if you're interested in them. As you're talking, maintain eye contact and smile to see if they respond the same way. If you feel a connection, you may have a crush.