How to Hug a Girl

Co-authored by Connell Barrett

Hugging a girl is exciting and can be terrifying. If you are like most people, you are probably stressed about making sure you do it right so she knows you care about her, instead of feeling awkward or grossed out. Hugging can be natural and intimate or can be invasive and uncomfortable. Though this can depend largely on who is doing the hugging, proper hugging etiquette can get you far.

Things You Should Know

Reflect before going in for your hug. If she isn't making eye contact or if she avoids speaking to you, she probably doesn't want to be hugged.
Hold and then release your hug. Then, say something she'll appreciate in the moment, like, "I'm so happy to see you!"
For a platonic hug, keep it casual. Hold your embrace for just a couple seconds before releasing.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Hugging a Girl You Like

1
Wait for the right moment. When you hug a girl is just as important as how you do it, so play it safe by picking a good moment. Three good times are:
- When you first see her. It is always nice to be greeted by friends with a quick "friends" hug (even if you want to be more than friends).
- During an emotional moment. Whether you are on the same team that just won a big game, or if she is having a hard day, a hug can be a really good way to reinforce that you are there for her.
- When you are parting ways. As with the greeting hug, saying goodbye with a hug is a nice, friendly gesture.
2
Try to figure out if she would like to be hugged. Girls make it obvious with their body language when they are open to physical contact. Based on how she is standing, or how she greets you, you can figure out if she is comfortable with you going in for the hug.^{[1]
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- Signs she is interested:
  - She makes eye contact with you.
  - She plays with her hair around you.
  - Her hips or feet are pointed directly toward you.
  - Her tone of voice is animated and bright when she talks to you.
- Signs she is not interested:
  - She does not hold your gaze.
  - Her body language is "closed" (crossed legs, folded arms, body turned away).
  - Her tone of voice is flat when she talks to you.
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3
Approach her gently. Resist the urge to dive in and hug her as quickly as possible. Instead, take a deep breath and move in at a pace that allows her to decide whether or not she wants to hug you. Make eye contact, move a little bit closer to her, then lift your arms and pull her in.
- If you have read the signs incorrectly and she does not want to be hugged, it is essential that she has a second to back out before you make contact. Otherwise, she will feel forced, and the situation will turn awkward.
- The upside is that slower movements are generally considered more romantic. So if she does want you to hug her, a smooth and gentle approach will seem all the more intimate.
4
Decide how long you are going to hold the hug. The duration of your hug says a lot about what it means to you. Here is a basic guideline to follow:
- The longer you hold on, the more intimate the hug is. Embraces longer than a few seconds are meant for significant others or close family members.
- Shorter hugs are more casual. The average "hello" or "goodbye" hug should be about one or two seconds of holding.
EXPERT TIP

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach

Keep it brief if it's a first date. If you're meeting someone for a first date, it's great to greet them with a warm hug, but it shouldn't linger. It sets a romantic tone for a date, but you'll still come across as friendly and approachable.
5
Release. Pull back from the hugging position in one smooth move. Typically, you want to begin to pull back before she does. Ending it a few seconds earlier than you have to can keep the hug from veering into awkward territory.
- If she starts to let go or you can feel her go limp in your arms, it is best to just immediately release. The exception to the rule is the "intimate" moment (for example she is upset and crying or you just kissed) in which it is considered appropriate to slowly pull back.
6
Finish it off in a cute way. The way you end it should depend on the situation. If you really like this girl, though, the end of a hug is your chance to do something adorable that she will remember. Try these scenarios:
- For a casual greeting or goodbye hug, say "I am so happy to see you!" or "See you later!"
- For a hug that acknowledges an accomplishment, that often means a congratulations for an award won, a job well done, a wedding, or other significant life moment. Generally, "Congratulations!" is a great thing to say.
- For a comforting hug, tailor what you say to the situation. "It's OK," or "I'm here," are both good things to say.
- For the buddy hug, say whatever sparked the hug in the first place. "You're awesome," or "We really rocked that ultimate Frisbee game, didn't we?" is always fun.
- If it was a more intimate hug, we will leave those follow-up words to you. Make them count!
7
Learn about different hugging positions. If you are still nervous, read up on these different hug positions and visualize which one might work best for your particular situation:^{[2]
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- Slow-dance: Her arms will go upward to around your neck and your arms will go under hers. You can put your arms around her waist or higher up her back. The lower your hands go on her back, the more suggestive the hug is. This can be a very intimate hug—use it wisely.
- Big bear and little bear: Her arms will go below yours and you will wrap around her back while her arms wrap around your waist. This is a friendlier hug and allows her to be pulled close to you and have her head rest on your chest.
- One-arm sling: This is the least romantic kind of hug—more of a buddy hug, really. This is when the hugger comes in from the side and wraps one arm around her shoulders or neck, as a casual friendly hug.
- T-Rex: Both the hugger and the girl's arms stay around the waist and lower back area. This will allow for the both of you to rest your heads on each others shoulders. This is going to allow for a friendlier, less suggestive hug.
- Criss-cross: One arm goes up and the other goes down to create an "x" with your arms and hers. This can lead to the perfect "pull back and kiss" position where both of you still have your arms holding on to each other with enough room to still kiss.
- From behind: This is a hug you only do with a girl you know well, and unless she likes scary surprises, let her know it is you as you move into the hug. This is a very intimate hug that can lead to very intimate things very easily.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Hugging Friends

1
Go with the flow. While, customarily, people have greeted each other with handshakes when first introduced, these days people frequently hug on introduction without thinking twice about it.
- This is more often seen among groups of friends than one friend introducing you to another friend.
- Use your instincts, but the best rule of thumb is that if you are offered a hug, go for it.
2
Make contact. Remember to keep the physical contact quick and light for hugging friends. Anything more prolonged might be misinterpreted as romantic.
- Lean in, bending from your waist. The idea here is not full-body contact, which is a much more intimate and personal hug.
- Wrap one arm around her arm and place your hand in-between her shoulder blades.
- Wrap your other arm around her and place your hand below your first hand.
3
Hold briefly and release. Two seconds is the ideal length for a friendly hug. Let go of her as soon as this much time has passed, and resume conversing as you normally would.

Community Q&A

Question

My girlfriend is just going to walk up to me and hug me, how do I hug her back?

Community Answer

Just keep it natural. She's your girlfriend! Keep your hands on the back of her waist if she intends to keep hers on your shoulders. Lean in closely and maybe even give a light kiss on her cheek or neck. Hug her tight and never be the first one to back away. Don't worry about it too much.
Question

How do I get a girl to notice me if I am quiet?

Community Answer

Try and get to hang around her more, and maybe be a little less quiet. Try and make friends with her too. This might surprise you, but a lot of girls find shy boys to be cute.
Question

Would it be awkward if I hugged a girl from behind and then kissed her on the cheek while still hugging her?

Community Answer

If it's a girl you know well, such as your girlfriend, it wouldn't be awkward to do this unless she isn't fond of physical contact. Hugging from behind and kissing her on the cheek is a sweet and intimate thing to do. If you mean would it be an awkward position, then quite possibly if she doesn't turn her head toward you, so wait for the right moment. And if you meant could you do this to just any girl, then no, that would be awkward as this is definitely and intimate gesture.

Warnings

If it is just a friendly hug, do not hold on for more than three seconds.

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Be careful where you place your arms or hands on a hug; you do not want to accidentally touch them inappropriately. For example, it may not be the best idea to place your hands or fingers on the small of their back.

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Do not smother or grab her too suddenly.

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If she does not want to be hugged, do not go in for it. A forced hug can sometimes be off-putting.^{[3]
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