How to Join the Army Without Your Parents Supporting You

Schedule time with your parents. Now armed with so much information, you will want to set aside a block of time when both you and your parents are available to have an uninterrupted discussion.

• Make it as convenient and stress-free for your parents as possible. Ask them when a good time is for them.
• Be positive so they don’t fear what you might be fixing to discuss with them. Try smiling and saying, “Mom, Dad, I have something important and exciting I’d really love to share with you.”
• Come prepared. Have access to a computer with tabs already open to your favorite resource sites, and have any printed material you’ve gathered handy so that you can easily share the sources of your information.

State your case. You’ll want to be confident but not cocky as you go into this discussion. Let your attitude be strong but not disrespectful. You want them to know you are sharing this with them, even though you are set on your goal.

• You can try beginning the discussion by saying, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I’ve found a career path that will set me up with a solid future while allowing me to be of service to others. My plan is to join the army.”
• Let them know you are open-minded and want their opinion, but use language that shows you are knowledgeable about the subject and solid in your decision. You can say, “I’ve been doing an extensive amount of research on the pros and cons, and after doing that, I know this decision is right for me.”
• Stay mature and reasonable even if they become angry or upset.^[6]
• Answer any of their questions calmly.
• Use your resources to support your answers.
• Don't become argumentative.

Ask for input. Let your parents know you respect their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Truly listen to all of their concerns and criticisms, then try to address them if you can using all the information you’ve learned. Be open to what they say; they may have good arguments for waiting to join up.

• Offer to go talk to the recruiter with them.
• If they still refuse to support you, accept it for now.

Ask your parent’s about joining the JROTC. The Army Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps is a cooperative program between high schools and the army what helps build basic military knowledge and skills such as leadership and discipline. This may be more acceptable to your parents.

• Experience in JROTC will give you hands-on knowledge so you will have an even greater understanding of life in the military and if it truly is the right life for you.
• Your participation in this program can give your parents time to better acclimate to the idea of their child going into the army.

Look into The Future Soldiers Program. This program (formerly called the Delayed Entry Program) prepares members for military service early and gives many benefits to participants. High school students can enter the program, but must commit to eventually entering basic training.^[7]

• Advantages include things such as early promotion, preparation for basic training, and the ability to reserve your MOS (Military Occupation Specialist.)
• Check your local recruiting station for information on the FSP.

Explore summer camp options. There are many types of summer camp programs out there, including many military-oriented camps. These camps allow teens to experience a rigorous and exciting summer learning about and experiencing many aspects of the military. There are a lot of different types to choose from, so you may find one that your parents would be willing to let you attend.^[8]

• Some camps you can look into include the Military Adventure Camp, Camp Challenge Leadership Programs, and various military academy summer adventures.
• The overall goal of the camps is to instill in the participants leadership, self-esteem, self-confidence, and good character within a military style environment.

Honor your parents AND yourself. At some point, you may simply have to deal with the fact that your parents are not going to approve of your career choice no matter what you say or do. This can be hurtful and cause emotional stress. It may even tempt you to give up on the idea in order to win their approval. However, if joining the army truly is your dream, for the sake of your emotional health and your relationship with your parents, you should stay true to yourself while also respecting their point of view.^[9]

• If you are not yet eighteen you will need to abide by your parents’ decision for the time being. However, you can keep your dream alive by making good use of your time preparing your body and mind for when you can legally enlist at eighteen.
  • Begin some form of regular exercise program in order to prepare your body for the physical rigors of a life in the army.
  • Prepare for the ASVAB. The Armed Forces Vocational Aptitude Battery helps determine what occupations you would be successful at in the military. It is a required test and you can prepare for it ahead of time by taking practice tests.^[10]
• If you are eighteen or older, and enlisting despite your parents’ disapproval, include them in your experience as much as you can to let them know you love them and want to share your experience, while also letting them know you need to live your life your own way.

Find like-minded friends to talk to. It helps to have a support group of like-minded friends to share your thoughts and dreams with. Spending time discussing your future plans will help you focus on your goal while taking the sting out of your parents’ disapproval.

Stay positive. Although there may be tension and stress between you and your parents because of your decision, keeping a positive attitude will help maintain the peace and may even lead to their eventual acceptance of the situation.

• It’s always a good idea to keep the lines of communication and mutual respect open, so stay connected and talk with your parents whenever they appear open to doing so.

Express your thoughts and feelings in writing. You may worry that talking will lead to a confrontation; if so, consider writing your thoughts and feelings down.

• You can keep a journal just for yourself, or share it with your parents at some point.
• You can write them letters if you want a more direct approach.

Don’t become angry or resentful. Try to understand that more than likely your parents are disapproving out of fear and love. Acknowledge that, but allow yourself to follow your dream if you truly feel it's right for you. It will be worth it in the end when you can finally show your parents some of the tangible benefits of your career choice.