How to Know if Your Long Distance Partner Is Serious

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: April 7, 2022 References

It takes a lot of trust and commitment to be in a long-distance relationship, but how can you tell if your partner is really serious about it? You might be a little confused about how your partner feels when they’re in a different city or time zone, but there are so many clear signs that they’re in love with you. Keep reading so you can recognize all the ways your partner shows you that they’re fully committed to you in a long-distance relationship!

1

They’re always trying to talk to you.

It’ll be their priority to reach out as much as they can. Pay attention to whether or not your partner makes time to touch base with you every day, even if it’s just a quick good morning or good night text. If they feel close to you and invested in your relationship, they’ll be ready to chat with you whenever they can.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Even if you’re in different time zones, your partner will make time to stay in touch with you if they’re committed.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Getting a phone call or video call is another sure sign that your man loves you.

2

They ask about your day.

Your partner will want to know even the smallest details. Sure, your partner will also want to know about your big life events, but they’ll also care about the little things.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Take note if they ask about the details that you’d normally overlook, like what you had for breakfast, how traffic was, or how you felt throughout the day. It’s a sign they really care about you.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Even if a lot of your communication is over text, short messages like, “Hey, what are you getting for lunch? I’m super curious!” is meaningful because it shows that your partner really cares.

3

They open up about their thoughts and feelings.

You’ll have deeper convos on top of casual check-ins. If your partner doesn’t shy away from letting you know what they’ve got going on in their head, it’s a great sign. They should want to tell you when they’re feeling happy, sad, worried, anxious, or any other emotion they have. If you ask them what they think about something, they’ll tell you the truth and won’t give any vague or dismissive responses.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If you ask them how a meeting at work went and they say, “It was okay, but I’m worried I didn’t make a good impression with my manager,” instead of, “It was okay,” then it’s a good sign!
- It’s totally normal to just have short check-in messages or calls while you’re both busy, but when you do get a chance to really talk, you should have more in-depth conversations.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}

4

They picture a future together with you.

If they have concrete plans for you as a couple, it’s a sign they’re in it long-term.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} Ask them where they hope to be with you in the future or where they’d like your relationship to go. If they talk about moving in together, trips and places they want to take you to, or even an eventual wedding or family, then they see you as someone they want to keep in their lives.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- It’s a good sign if they say something like, “There’s this amazing Mexican restaurant I found the other day and I can’t wait to take you to it. We’ll have so much fun!” It means they’re planning ahead and putting some thought behind your time together.

5

They have similar goals and interests as you.

Working towards the same goal helps build a strong bond. When your partner shares a few hobbies and has plans for your future together, it’s a great sign that they’re committed for the long run. If you start to realize that you have more differences than similarities, then it may not be a good fit for a long-term relationship.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Future plans should be more than just daydreaming and about actually setting goals for your future. Saying, “I can’t wait to finish up school so I can get a job in the city and get a place with you,” is much stronger than, “Maybe we can move in together someday.”

6

They tell their friends and family about you.

If people your partner cares about know you, you’re a big part of their life. When a relationship gets really serious, your partner will want you to meet their parents, siblings, and best friends. They’ll chat about their friends and gush about you even when you’re not there so once you meet them, they’ll have heard so much about you.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If you get along well with their family, try staying in touch with them as well. They may make you feel a little less lonely with your partner far away.

7

They tell you they miss you and can’t wait to see you.

If they think about you all the time, they won’t be able to keep it to themselves. Even though it’s sad and tough when you miss the person you care about, it’s also a good sign they’re committed to the relationship! If your partner truly misses you, they’ll tell you. It means they’re thinking about you and are serious about being with you.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- If a long-distance girlfriend messages you multiple times before you can respond, you can tell she loves and misses you.

8

They plan regular date nights.

Even if you only see each other digitally, you have one-on-one time together. Your partner will want to make you feel special and bond, so they’ll look for unique dates, like watching movies online, doing a virtual museum visit, or cooking the same recipe together. If your partner is always planning video chats or fun online dates, it’s a pretty good sign they’re in love.^{[12]
X
Research source}

9

They make an effort to visit you.

Your partner will travel when they can to see you in person. It’s great to hear how much your partner misses you, but in the end, they’ve got to follow through with it. If they take every chance they get to see you, whether that means them coming to you or arranging so you can come to them, it’s a great sign.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- Reconnecting and being together can also reignite the romantic flame and remind each other why you’re willing to go through a long-distance relationship.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}

10

They aren’t possessive or controlling.

A committed partner will give you your space when you need it. Sure, in a long-distance relationship you already have plenty of space. But if your partner is serious, they won’t have any problems with you going out with friends or doing activities that keep you from communicating with them for a bit. They’ll want you to be happy and they’ll let you go out without getting jealous.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- Allowing you to have your space is a sign that your partner trusts you, which means they’re committed to your relationship and care about your happiness.

11

They make promises they can keep.

They’ll work so hard to follow through with what they say to you. Pay attention to how your partner honors their commitments. If they really care about you and are serious about making a long-distance relationship work, they’ll stand by their word and do what they said they would.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- If your partner says they’ll call you at 6, and then 6:30 rolls around, let them explain themselves before jumping to conclusions. They may have a good reason as long as it doesn’t happen every time.

12

They don’t keep any secrets from you.

Trust is huge, especially in a long-distance relationship. Your partner should want to tell you everything that’s going on with them including who they’re spending time with and what they’re up to. If they’re behaving strangely or refusing to tell you who they’re with or what they’re doing, it’s a big red flag.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- That goes for social media, too. If your partner is keeping certain posts, images, or anything else hidden from you, it could mean they’re not very serious about your relationship.

13

You’re both able to resolve any arguments.

A strong relationship will survive fights and disagreements. Arguments are completely normal in any relationship, including long-distance ones. The key is that both you and your partner are willing to work through them and still want to be together. If your partner refuses to talk about a problem or admit to it, it may mean they aren’t committed to making your relationship work.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- A good sign that your man is in love is if he calmly talks through disagreements you have without getting upset.

14

They truly respect you.

Your partner should admire you and treat you well. Respect is one of the most important parts of any relationship, and you deserve to get it from your partner. Your partner should see all your best qualities and tell you what they appreciate about you. If you never hear your partner say an unkind word about you and they always lift you up, it’s a sign they’re in love.^{[19]
X
Research source}
- This also includes your partner respecting your time. They wouldn’t waste your time leading you on if they weren’t serious about you.

15

They let you focus on your own goals.

You should feel like you have time and support to do what you want. Your partner should understand that you’re a unique individual and then you have your own dreams that you want to achieve. Your partner will let you have alone time to work towards your goal and they’ll ask what they can do to cheer you on and help out when they can.^{[20]
X
Research source}

16

They get excited about your accomplishments.

Even from a distance, support is super important. Your partner should be your greatest cheerleader! Whenever you tell them about something good that happened to you, they should get excited with you. It’s a sign that they care about you and your happiness.^{[21]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if you mention that you aced a test, your partner is a keeper if they call you to shout, “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you!”

17

They make you feel happy in the relationship.

Your partner will want you to feel your best when they’re with you. Pay attention to the little things your partner does that make you smile, like responding to your messages right away or always trying to cheer you up if you’re down. If your partner does everything they can to make you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, it’s a great sign that they really care.^{[22]
X
Research source}
- Watch how your partner reacts when you do nice things for him to make sure they’re happy with you too.

18

Talk to them about your relationship if you’re unsure.

Communication is key in any serious relationship.^{[23]
X
Expert Source

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.} While you can look for signs that your partner is committed to making your long-distance relationship work, the truth is you need to talk to them about it too. Ask them how they feel about your relationship and if they think it’s working. Find out if there’s something the both of you can do to make things better. It can take a lot of the guess-work out of the equation.^{[24]
X
Research source}

Community Q&A

Question

How do you keep a vibe in a long distance relationship?

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples' relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book "Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids" and also wrote "Professor Kelli's Guide to Finding a Husband". Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Psychotherapist

Expert Answer

You should always focus on each person having their own individual life filled with hobbies and passions. It's never a good idea to make your whole life revolve around your partner, be it a long distance relationship or not. Remember that having passions is something that makes us desirable and attractive to our partners.