How to Say No to a Boy

Co-authored by Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD

Last Updated: July 2, 2022

As a teenager, a young preteen, or even an adult, you'll face many situations where a boy will ask you to go out with him or to go on a date. Here are some tips on what to do and how to politely say no.

Steps

1
Tell the truth. If you're going out with someone currently and a guy asks you out, just politely say "No thank you, I'm already dating someone." .
2
Thank him. If you're not dating someone and a boy asks you out whom you're not interested in, tell him you're very grateful that he asked, but you're just not interested right now.

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3
Be clear, but not hurtful. If he is not your type, be nice and say you don't feel a strong connection with him. Liking someone for looks is a type of connection, so don't flat-out say that you don't want to date him because he's ugly. Even though sometimes it's hard to refrain from being brutally honest.
4
Follow his lead. If a guy gives you a note, talk to him in person or give him your note reply in person. If he calls you on the phone, don't be afraid to speak to him. The worse thing that you can possibly do is send a message through someone else, it may lead him to feel embarrassed, and next thing you know you're having odd run-ins around the neighborhood with unnamed person.
5
If he keeps insisting, tell him things aren't going very well at school or work and the last thing you need is a boyfriend on your mind. Hopefully he isn't too persistent
- Assertiveness is an important tool to have. It is the process of being confident without being aggressive.^{[1]
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- Understand why you said no to someone and how did it help you stand up for yourself.^{[2]
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- Challenge the feelings of guilt by identifying what is causing the guilt. It will help you understand the root of your emotion and allow for more self-awareness.^{[3]
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Warnings

If he asks you why not don't tell him off, because, as said before, guys have feelings too

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If you're already going out with someone, don't show your affection for them in front of the guy on purpose. This might cause a fight between the guy and your partner.

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Don't hesitate to give him your answer, this might be a sign to him that you're thinking about going with him and will set him up for a bigger let-down later.

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If you become friends, don't do anything that will give him the idea you like him if you don't. A simple friendly hug will be good enough to show your friendly affection for him.

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