How to Stay in a Long Distance Relationship When You're a Teenager

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: March 5, 2022 References Approved

Long-distance relationships can be challenging for teenagers. However, practicing communication, trust, and honesty will make them fun and rewarding instead! Your teenage years can feel like a crazy ride, and having a significant other to support you along the way is worth dealing with the distance. Here, we'll show you how to stay in a long-distance relationship as a teenager.

1

Set clear expectations for the relationship.

Tell your significant other what you want and listen to their needs. If you're going to be exclusive, make that clear from the start. Talk about how you can meet each other's needs and how your future together might look. You'll know that the relationship is worth your time and effort if you're both on the same page!^{[1]
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- "I want to give this relationship a shot, but it's important to me that we stay committed and exclusive. Can we do that?"
- "I'd like to have a weekly date night. Does that work for you?"
- Make a list of pros and cons to help you sort out your thoughts. Talking to your significant other is easier when you make a plan first.

2

Schedule your phone chats.

Even if life gets busy, you'll have a plan to talk often. Communication is key for any relationship, so agree on a schedule and decide whether you'll use phone calls, messaging apps, or other platforms to keep in touch. Chat with your significant other about everything, from the little details of your day to your deepest feelings.^{[2]
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- You don't need to talk every day or specify exact times. Just make sure you feel good about how often you're talking, and you know which days you're both free.
- Make sure that you're putting in equal effort to stay in touch. Your significant other shouldn't do all the work, and neither should you.
- Be careful about calling or texting too much. The distance can make you feel like you should talk all the time, but sticking to a schedule is easier.

3

Discover your shared interests.

Build a strong relationship by finding activities you can do together. Whether you exercise regularly, schedule study time for a favorite subject, or read the same book together, you'll enjoy having something in common with your significant other. Plus, with shared interests, you'll never run out of things to talk about.^{[3]
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- If you both love music, share playlists and get to know each other's taste in music a little better!
- If you're both gaming fans, find an online game that you can play together.
- You could pick a hobby you both want to learn, like a sport or a new language, and try it out together.

4

Plan virtual dates.

Find creative ways to hang out and spend quality time together. Try having a movie night while on the phone or going out for a FaceTime smoothie date. You could even go shopping or go for a walk while on a video call. If you're flexible and clever about coming up with date ideas, you can easily have fun together.^{[4]
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- A weekly TV show is perfect for setting up consistent date nights. Stay on the phone while watching together, or text your reactions.
- Exchange recipes for date night dinners. You can cook together while video calling and share a romantic meal from miles apart.

5

Find new ways to stay in touch.

Using the same messaging or video call apps can get repetitive. Spread out communication over a few different platforms to keep it fun and engaging for both of you. Phone calls are still great for regular chats, but you can also use apps like Snapchat and WhatsApp, or even a gaming app like Words With Friends.^{[5]
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- Think about adding variety to your texts. Send lots of pictures, GIFs, and audio memos alongside regular messages.
- If you both have apps like Tumblr, Instagram, or Reddit, you can take turns sending each other funny memes and entertaining posts.

6

Build your trust in each other.

Trust is critical, especially when you can't see one another face-to-face. It's natural to feel jealous when you care for someone, but that doesn't mean you should act on your feelings. Be consistent, honest, and enthusiastic instead. Learn to trust them so you can feel comfortable about your relationship, even from far away.^{[6]
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- Show consistency by calling when you say you will and showing up for virtual dates!
- Always tell them the truth. If you say you're spending time with family and they discover you partied with friends, they may question your trustworthiness.

7

Talk about your worries openly.

Your significant other can help you deal with jealousy or concerns. It's tempting to bottle those feelings up, but you'll feel better once you've told your significant other about them. Encourage them to come to you with concerns too. The more you talk, the stronger your relationship will get.^{[7]
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- When you're jealous, tell them how you feel instead of getting angry. "Can we talk? I feel lonely and left out when you reschedule our phone calls to hang out with friends."

8

Give them small gifts.

Go the extra mile to show how much you care. Once in a while, take the time to mail a handwritten letter or an old picture of you two. Give them something personal that will remind them of you! Simple and heartfelt gestures will deepen the connection between you and your significant other.^{[8]
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- If you have artistic skills, you could send them a drawing, song, or poem that you wrote.
- Send a care package with their favorite snack—or, if you can bake something yourself, send a homemade treat instead.

9

Support one another through good and bad.

Make sure they're comfortable talking to you about anything. A good partner wants to hear about everything in the other's life, whether they're celebrating a college acceptance or dealing with a parent's divorce. Actively listen when they confide in you. Teenage years are a rollercoaster, but you can support one another through it all.^{[9]
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- Make sure there's a healthy amount of giving and taking between you. It isn't fair if one of you is doing all the listening and one is doing all the talking. Both of you should feel loved and supported!

10

Enjoy your time apart.

It's important to keep your independence while dating someone. Being in a long-distance relationship is great, but you should feel comfortable doing your own thing. Hang with friends, work hard in school, and enjoy your hobbies. The distance between you can be a good thing because it gives you space to live your own life.^{[10]
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- Keep your relationships with family and friends strong. It's good to have other confidantes besides your significant other!
- Let your friends know that you're in a relationship. Your parents should also know, but you may feel more comfortable telling friends first.

11

Plan out your next in-person meeting.

Set a reunion goal and give yourselves something to look forward to. There is always the expectation in long-distance relationships that you'll see each other face-to-face once day! You might have to wait, especially if you don't have your own car, but you can make plans and save up for the big day.^{[11]
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- Make sure you talk about which of you is doing the traveling or where you'll both meet up.
- If you need to save up money for travel, set reasonable goals and make a budget to find out exactly how much you need.
- Meet up in person when you can, but don't be discouraged if you're too far apart or busy to meet as often as you want.

12

Rethink your goals after a while.

Be honest when your relationship plans change. As a teenager, you're still figuring out what you want in life—and it's totally normal to change your mind. You might have new expectations for your relationship months or years after it begins, so make sure you talk to your partner about any developments.^{[12]
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- For example, if you're planning to go away to college, talk to your significant other about how that might affect the relationship.
- You might decide you want to text less and call more or change your FaceTime schedule. Tell your significant other so you can work together to make changes.
- Teens dating long-distance have the exciting chance to learn and grow together. Respect your partner's needs and be honest about yours so you can overcome challenges together!

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How do you maintain a long distance relationship when you're in high school?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Make sure you set aside some time to talk to each other on a regular basis. Some fun things you can do include talking on the phone, setting up a video chat, or watching a movie together at the same time.