How to Talk to Guys on Tinder

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: May 13, 2021

Talking to guys, especially on Tinder, can be tough. Maybe you’ve used Tinder for a few months now, and none of your conversations seem to go anywhere. Even if you’re nervous, keep trying—maybe all you need is a change up to your approach.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Messaging Him to Show Your Interest

1
Use an emoji to break the ice. Message your match first with a few waving-hand emojis and a “hi there,” instead of just a “hi” or “how are you?”^{[1]
X
Research source} If he messages back with emojis, you’re off to a great start.
- Stick with the safe bets if you aren’t sure which emojis to use. Message him in the morning with a coffee cup emoji and a sleepy face emoji and a “good morning, how are you?”
2
Throw in a funny GIF or a joke. If some of his interests listed on Tinder include memes, comedy shows, or comedians, try a bolder step than emojis and send a funny GIF.
- If you trade funny GIFs and you’re ready to step up your game, give a “dad joke” a try: “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”^{[2]
  X
  Research source} A good dad joke deserves another, so follow-up on your message by asking him what his favorite dad jokes are.
Advertisement
3
Ask about his bio. Check out his interests, hobbies, work, or education, and pick a subject you are genuinely curious about. Make sure to ask open-ended questions instead of “yes” or “no” questions.
- Instead of “Do you like working at REI?” try “What are your 3 favorite things about working for REI?”
- Most people love to talk about music, so ask him about his favorites, but word your questions positively. Instead of, “Why in the world do you like Joe Walsh?” try “Which song/album is your favorite by Joe Walsh?”
4
Use his profile photos. Try starting a conversation about the hobbies or interests in his profile photos, especially if you have a hobby in common.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- If his photos show him dressed up a character from a show you don’t recognize, ask him, “Who is that character you cosplayed as?”^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- If he’s at a recognizable location, try, “What did you enjoy about visiting The Mystery Spot?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Letting Him Message You

1
Look at his profile again to remember why you swiped right. If he messages you first, it never hurts to take a refresher course on why you swiped right on him in the first place! Read through his bio and look through his photos so you're ready to reply and get to know him better.
2
Send a simple response to his message if you’re interested. If he messages you first, message him back! If he just says “hello,” say “hi” back and ask him an open-ended question to start the conversation rolling. If he asks you an open-ended question, answer his question before asking your own.
- He may not know how to respond to you, so if he responds to your answer with something simple, like “haha,” “cool,” or “nice,” then try an open-ended question.
3
Match the tone of his messages when you respond. Mirroring, or copying, his tone is the same as mirroring his body language in real life. It's an easy way to show him you’re interested.
- For example, if he messages you first and sends a silly GIF, send one back. If he’s a question-and-answer kind of guy, keep up with questions and answers of your own.
4
Flirt to take it to the next level. When you’re ready to move from introductions to more intimate conversation, less is more!
- Build up the anticipation of the conversation by offering a little at first. For example, emojis are a quick way to start flirting. If he sends you a selfie, send back the flame emoji or the winky-face emoji.
- Respond with a selfie, and see where it takes you. If you aren’t comfortable sharing personal photos on Tinder, don’t feel pressured—respond with a flirty emoji or GIF instead.
5
Say “yes” if he asks you out and you like him. Once you say yes to the date, figure out where you want to meet him. If you’re nervous about moving the Tinder conversation to a real-life conversation, try inviting him out for something casual, like coffee, or to a nearby museum.
- Coffee shops are a quiet, neutral place to start a date, and you can center the conversation around getting to know one another directly. If you go to a museum, you can focus your conversation on the exhibits.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Responding if You Aren’t Interested in Him

1
Reject him quickly, but kindly. If you matched with a guy and your conversation fizzles out, let him know you aren’t interested anymore as soon as you realize it.
- Treat him kindly, the way you would want to be treated if he wasn’t interested in you. For example, you can simply say “Thank you for your interest” before you Unmatch with him. Unmatching means he can’t message you any further.^{[6]
  X
  Research source}
2
Use “I” statements to keep the rejection polite. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements will make the rejection just about the differences between you, instead of sounding like a personal attack.
- If he asks why you’re rejecting him, don’t say, “You’re really boring to talk to.” Try an “I” statement like, “I’ve enjoyed our conversation, but I don’t feel the connection between us.”^{[7]
  X
  Research source}
3
Be final about the rejection. Don’t leave it open-ended if you aren’t interested in him but you want to “let him down gently.”
- Avoid saying “we can be friends” or “maybe in the future.”^{[8]
  X
  Research source}

Community Q&A

Question

Is it OK to talk to multiple guys on Tinder?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Sure. It's not like you're in a committed relationship with someone if you just met online and you're casually chatting. You can revisit this once you're actually seeing someone.
Question

What should I do if I'm not getting any results?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You may just not be connecting with guys fast enough. It's hard when the interactions are online, which is why I really recommend commenting on people's photos. It brings the conversation into a space where it feels like you're making a personal connection.

Warnings

Never share your personal banking or financial information with anyone online, no matter how much they may want to discuss it.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0