How to Turn a Guy On

Co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Last Updated: September 10, 2022 References

Turning a guy on is easy once you know what to do. To turn on a guy, you need to have confidence, know how to flirt, and learn to be sexy and bold when you are kissing or moving toward the bedroom. If you want to know how to turn on a guy in just a few minutes, follow these easy steps.

1

Say Something Flirty

Once you've hooked a guy with your body language and he wants to get to know you, you need to get him even more excited by your words. To say something flirty, you just have to be fun, show that you know how to laugh and tease, and make the guy even more turned on even if you're not saying anything life-shattering.^{[1]
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Research source} Here's how to do it:
- Keep it light. Remember to be fun and playful, and the guy will want you even more. Flirting isn't about being serious, but about showing you're interested and having fun.
- Maintain eye contact while you talk. Make the guy feel important. Occasionally break eye contact to look at your feet or blush, and the guy will think you're demure and will be even more attracted to you.
- Speak in a soft voice. You don't have to whisper, but you should talk in a lower voice so you sound sexy and make the guy lean in and get closer to you.
- Tease the guy. Show that you're comfortable playing around and he'll want to tease you back. Showing that you don't take yourself too seriously will make the guy think you're great in the bedroom.

2

Master the French Kiss

The French kiss is pretty basic, but if you want to really turn a guy on, you have to be able to do it right. Though you don't have to kiss perfectly the first time, remember that kissing is the gateway to other sexy acts, so if you show him you're a good kisser, he'll be even more turned on because he'll be thinking about what else is in store for him.^{[2]
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Research source} Here's how to master the French kiss:
- Don't be too eager. Gently slip your tongue inside his mouth and explore. Don't go in for the kill with your tongue until it feels right.
- Be gentle. Slowly and gently move your tongue around the guy's mouth. Don't slosh it around and leave gobs of spit everywhere.
- Don't ignore the rest of your body. Move your hands around his back, shoulders, and neck, and press your chest up against his.
- If you get bored with the French kiss, mix it up with a variety of other kisses.

3

Be a Little Bit Dirty

Guys love it if you're comfortable enough with yourself to be a little bit dirty. Whether you're talking dirty, or just doing something raunchy, he'll be turned on before you can rip off his shirt. Here's what to do:
- Try some dirty talk in the bedroom. Tell him how much you like what he's doing to you and let him know what else you want.
- Tell him your sexual fantasy, no matter how dirty it is. See if he can fulfill it for you.
- Tie his hands to the bedposts and have your way with him. Take turns.
- Go to the sex store together and find the sexiest lingerie possible as well as a few props. Bring them out whenever you feel like it.

4

Use Body Language

If you know how to flirt with a guy without even saying anything, he will be turned on -- fast. If you know how to work your body, you don't even have to say hello to make a guy feel hot and heavy. A few small things you do with your body can make a big difference. Here are a few ways to flirt through your body language:^{[3]
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Research source}
- Hold the guy's gaze -- but not for too long. Look at the guy, lock eyes for just long enough for him to see how sexy you are, and then look away. This will show that you're not afraid to look at him, but that you're also too coy to stare.
- Keep your body open. Don't fold your arms over your chest or cross your legs. Your body should be saying, "Hey, what's up?"
- If you're wearing something with a zipper or a necklace, fiddle with the area near your cleavage to get his attention.
- Find ways to brush up against the guy. If you're already talking, lightly graze his knee, brush up against his hand, or place a hand on his forearm when you're laughing. Do it for just long enough that he wants more. Don't linger.
- Occasionally lick your lips. If he's watching you from across the room, take the time to apply your lip balm.
- Remember that every guy is different and try to understand his specific turn ons.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

5

Don't be Afraid to Bite

Once you've gotten comfortable with your guy, you can take your kissing up a notch by adding some little love nibbles to your routine. Just try some gentle bites on different parts of the guy's body, and he'll be turned on even more. Here are some places where biting will really turn your guy on:
- Give him gentle bites on his earlobes.
- Try some gentle bites on his neck -- just be careful so you don't leave a mark.
- Nibble on his lip in the middle of a kiss.
- If his shirt is off, don't be afraid to bite his chest, or even his nipples. Nipples are an erogenous zone for men, too.

6

Be Bold

Any guy will be turned on if you're able to flirt by acting confident, independent, sexy, and bold. Once the guy has a better sense of who you are from the way you're acting, he'll be absolutely hooked.^{[5]
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Research source} Here's how to turn a guy on by your actions:
- Be confident. Guys are turned on by confident women. If you can act confident when you talk to the guy or share things about yourself, he'll think that you'll be able to take that confidence to the bedroom.
- Be independent. Guys are turned on by women who don't need them. Let the guy know about all of the things you love to do by yourself, and tell him about your busy weekend. Guys are not turned on by clingy girls who have nothing better to do than to hang out with them.
- Be sexy. You don't have to be trashy to show a little leg or cleavage. Show some skin and don't be afraid to make some raunchy jokes or to make a dirty innuendo if the mood feels right. The guy will be even more excited by your sexiness.
- Be bold. Guys are turned on by bold women, whether they're being bold over a cup of coffee or in the middle of a make-out session. Be bold by doing something unexpected, like wearing something hot and outrageous, or getting down on the dance floor in the middle of a wild jam.

7

Close the A-frame

This is another sexy variation on the traditional French kiss. Stand about a foot or two away from your guy while you're kissing, so that you have to lean in towards each other, and grab each other to get closer.
- You'll end up rubbing your hips against your guy's every time you move back in after pulling apart, and he won't be able to keep his hands off of you.

8

Kiss His Body

Kissing ain't just for lips, honey. You'll turn your guy on even more if you maximize your kissing abilities by kissing him all over his body. If you're just making out, then you can kiss him on the neck, upper chest, and even on the bottom of his earlobes.^{[6]
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Research source}
- If you've taken off his shirt, you can try kissing him above his waistband.
- Tell him you'll kiss him anywhere -- except his lips. That will turn him on even more.

9

Be Adventurous in Bed

To turn him on, you have to show that you're up for hooking up in whatever way feels right. If you want to have sex in the same place and same position every time, then he won't be as turned on as he would be if you showed that you were up for anything. Here's how to be adventurous when you're having sex:
- Make love in new places. Pick a new part of your home to make love, check into a hotel, or make love in some secluded or scandalous location. He will be turned on by your adventurous spirit.
- Make love in new positions. Though your guy may love it if you're on top the whole time, he'll love it even more if you mix it up and try to have sex in a new position every time you get to the bedroom.
- Get sexy in some water. Make love in the shower, or hook up in a pool or a hot tub. Your guy will be more turned on if you can be sexy in almost any scenario.

10

Be Spontaneous in Bed

If you want to turn on your guy, you should not only show that you're up for anything, but that you're up for anything any time. If you're only adventurous on designated hook up times, then it'll begin to feel like a routine. Here are some hot ways to be more spontaneous:
- Hook up whenever you're in the mood, even if you're both just watching TV. Show him what you want and he'll follow you to the bedroom.
- If you're out in public and really want to get it on, just whisper it in his ear and go somewhere more private.
- Surprise him when he's waking up or getting into the shower. You never know when he might be open to the possibility of having sex.

11

Act Out New Sex Scenarios

Any guy is guaranteed to be turned on if you mix things up with some role play or raunchy scenarios. Trying out different scenarios will not only spice up your sex life, but it will let have more fun and explore your bodies and desires in new ways. Here are some fun scenarios to try:
- Pretend you're his boss and boss him around until he lets you do whatever you want. Switch roles.
- Try having sex with almost all of your clothes on. Or have sex with just one person's clothes on.
- Pretend you're in a big fight and have makeup sex.
- Put on some raunchy costumes form the sex store and try some role play.
- Dress up really formally and pretend that you're going out for a special occasion. Then take each others clothes off and go for it.

12

Make Sure You're on His Mind

Make sure he's always thinking of hooking up with you. Even when you're not having sex, sleeping with you should never be far from the guy's mind. Whether you're in a different state or sitting across the dinner table from him, you should always keep him turned on and wanting more. Here's how to do it:
- Keep looking sexy. Whether you've been hooking up for months or just finished your second hook-up session, make sure to keep looking hot, showing some skin, and taking care of your hygiene so your man always wants more.
- Make sure your man is thinking of sex when you're not around. Send him an occasional dirty text, have phone sex, or just call to remind him of something sexy that happened in bed the night before.
- Let him know you want him. Tell him this whenever it feels right, even if it's at a moment when you can't possibly have him -- that will make him want you even more. Send him some flirty messages and be playful.^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
  Licensed Relationship Therapist
  Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.}

Community Q&A

Question

How do I make him feel important?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Ask him plenty of questions about his life, hobbies, interests, family, and job. Understand why he likes what he likes, and try your best to appreciate his unique interests.
Question

How do I turn on my boyfriend?

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.

Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT

Licensed Relationship Therapist

Expert Answer

Try having an open, honest conversation about his needs. Believe it or not, you can turn guys just by making an effort to understand their needs and wants.
Question

Is it okay to have sex with my ex if he isn't in love with me anymore but I am still in love with him?

Community Answer

The truth is, someday it will hurt you. If he stops having sex with you when he finds someone else, you will be heartbroken. You're a booty call. It's all up to you, but try to stop what you're doing before you get your feelings hurt.