What Should You Say when Your Ex Says He Misses You

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: May 26, 2022 References

There’s no doubt about it: breakups are tough. But they can get even messier when your ex hits you up to say he misses you. Before you reply, take a look at these responses and pick one that captures your true feelings. With a few well-placed words, you can let your ex know what you really think about him (and whether or not you miss him, too).

1

Nothing at all.

You don’t have to give him the time of day if you don’t want to. If your relationship ended poorly or he cheated on you, it might be best to not respond. If he keeps reaching out, you may even want to block his number.^{[1]
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- This is also true if he texts you at odd hours in the morning. If he only texts you late at night or while he’s drunk, he’s probably not being legit.

2

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”

Let him down gently. If you’ve moved on (or you’re trying to move on), let him know in no uncertain terms. It’s a kind yet firm way to let him down and tell him that he needs to let you go.^{[2]
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- Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond to a text like this. He might feel hurt and need to take some time for himself.
- If he responds and gets angry, it might be best to block his number.
- It's always good to keep your answers as concise and simple as possible.

3

“You’re in a relationship.”

Remind him that he needs to worry about someone else now. While it can feel flattering to get an “I miss you” from an ex, if he’s dating someone new, it’s not fair to that person to stay in contact. Let your ex know that you two can’t chat while he’s with someone else.^{[3]
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- Your ex’s new boo probably has no idea you two are still in contact. It’s not nice of your ex to blindside them like that.

4

“I’m in a relationship.”

Tell him that you’re unavailable. Texting your ex when you have a new partner is risky, and you might just want to ignore his texts altogether. However, if your ex didn’t know that you were seeing someone, you can tell him so he (hopefully) stops reaching out.^{[4]
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- If you and your new partner are serious, you might even want to let them know that your ex texted you. That way, there won’t be any trust issues about it down the line.
- Even if you aren’t in a relationship, you can use this excuse just to get your ex to stop reaching out.

5

“You only miss the idea of me.”

People often look back at all the good in a relationship. However, you can remind your ex about why you two broke up in the first place. If he asks what you mean, follow up with all the bad parts of your relationship and why you two wouldn’t work out as a couple again.^{[5]
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- For instance, you could say, “Remember how opposite our interests are? You would end up hanging out with your friends and I’d be with mine. We barely spent any time together.”

6

“Then why did you break up with me?”

If you got dumped, have him explain why. This is a good response to use if you’re missing closure within the relationship. If he reaches back out without an explanation, make him talk about what he did and why he did it. If he really wants to get back together with you, he’ll be able to talk through it all without hesitation.^{[6]
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7

“LOL.”

This one will really take him aback. If you find the fact that he misses you super funny or you can’t believe he would try that line on you after everything he’s done, simply reply with a laughing emoji or an “lmfao.” This is a fairly scathing way to reply, and he should get the hint. If he’s smart, he won’t reply again.^{[7]
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- This is a perfect response to use if he’s trying to contact you late at night or while he’s drunk.

8

Change the subject.

Completely move on from the “I miss you.” If you were having a conversation before, just keep it going like nothing happened. If you got a message out of the blue, you could say something like:^{[8]
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- “Speaking of missing, have you seen my blue sweater? I can’t find it anywhere.”
- “Yeah, I really miss your dog. How’s she doing?”

9

“I’m doing really well now. I don’t miss you.”

Tell him that you’ve already moved on from him. This curt reply should stop him in his tracks and make him reevaluate. If he keeps reaching out, feel free to block his number or tell him to stop contacting you.^{[9]
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- Don’t let your ex reaching out throw off any of your progress. If you were doing well moving on, keep doing you!

10

“I miss you too.”

Only choose this one if you’d like to get back together. Before you reply, think long and hard about why the relationship ended and what it might look like in the future. If you think you and your ex have a real shot again, then give him the reply that he probably wants to hear.^{[10]
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- If you’re getting a late night or drunk text, now’s not the time to discuss your relationship. If your ex reaches out in the middle of the day and wants to talk, though, you can be open to a discussion with him.
- Instead of immediately asking for the relationship back, look for an opportunity to go on a date first.

Community Q&A

Question

What do you do if your ex wants to meet up?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Let them clearly, firmly, and politely know that you aren't interested in spending time with them. You might say "I've been really busy and it's not a good time for me. Thanks for asking, though!"