Is Texting Bad for Relationships? Why It Can Cause Problems and What It Means for Your Love Life

Last Updated: January 31, 2022 References

Your phone buzzes and you check it immediately. It’s another text from your significant other asking about how your day’s going. As you’re typing out a response, you start to wonder “What is texting doing to my relationship?” Whether you love texting or could do without it, we’ll walk you through the expert-backed explanations of the pros and cons of texting in relationships.

Question 1 of 6:

How does texting hurt relationships?

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Excessive texting lowers relationship satisfaction overall. Particularly for newer couples, when you text your partner too frequently, it signals to your partner that you have underlying insecurity. It also might be a sign the relationship itself has deeper issues surrounding communication and connection.^{[1]
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Arguments over text can hurt relationships. Fights over text are far less productive than in-person conversations. Communication issues easily come up in text conversations, since you miss out on key body language and voice cues. It’s hard to know what someone intended to say versus what you read in a text. With that in mind, when you want to argue, try to work it out in-person.^{[2]
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Question 2 of 6:

Are there any positives to texting in relationships?

Texts expressing affection boost overall relationship happiness. Sending an “I love you text” or another sweet text to your partner can improve how both of you feel about the relationship.^{[3]
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Research source} Instead of sending what scientists call “relationship maintenance” texts (like “How are you?”) try sending a text of appreciation, encouragement, or gratitude instead.^{[4]
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Research source} You can also simply share a glimpse into your mind or a random thought with the other person.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.}
- “I went by the cafe on Third Street, and it made me think of you! You’re amazing!”
- “Hey babe. Just feeling grateful for you. Hope your day’s good.”
- “You’re gonna crush your presentation today! Good luck!”

Question 3 of 6:

How often should I text my partner?

There’s no set rule for texting your partner. Instead, you two should discuss how frequently you’d like to check in. Texting doesn’t become excessive or negative until one person in the relationship feels overwhelmed and pressured to respond.^{[6]
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- Start a conversation by asking, “How do you feel about checking in over text? Is there another way you prefer to talk?”
- State your own needs and boundaries. For instance, “I’d really like to be able to text you goodnight and hear how your day went. But I’d rather not text during the work day.”
- Stop texting your partner if they’re not responding. They might be busy or just need a short break. It’s important to respect their need for space, and that space might even build attraction.^{[7]
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Question 4 of 6:

How can I ask my partner to text me less?

Set boundaries to let your partner know when you’ll be offline. It’s better to let your partner know ahead of time that you won’t respond for a bit rather than going totally silent. Use "I statements" to frame your request as a need for personal time, rather than a reflection of your partner.^{[8]
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- “I’d like to talk with you more in person rather than over text.”
- “I need a little down time without my phone tonight. Can I text you in the morning?”
- “When I’m at work, I’m going to be busy and not be able to text you.”
- “I really like talking with you, but it just isn’t the same over text. Can we compromise by video calling instead?”

Question 5 of 6:

Is calling better than texting?

Calling tends to make people feel more connected than texting does. With a voice call, you’re able to pick up subtle cues that text messages just don’t have.^{[9]
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Research source} And if you’re worried about awkwardness and not having time to think up a response, don’t sweat it. Studies show you might be surprised by how easy and not-awkward a phone call can be.^{[10]
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Question 6 of 6:

Can a relationship survive on just texting?

No, in general, relationships need more than just texting to survive. Texting is a great communication tool, but when you text, you miss out on voice inflection and facial expressions. To really create connection when you two can’t see each other in person, mix in voice calls and video calling.^{[11]
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