How to Work Through Conflict

Last Updated: December 21, 2022

Working through conflict is important for all people who must work or live together, and/or share a common space. Strong and persistent disagreements can lead to relationship dissolution, low productivity and community discord. Aggressive fighting, passive aggressive reactions and avoidance behaviors are common reactions to disagreements between people. Learning how to work through conflict can improve relationships and lead to greater productivity and harmony. Here are a few conflict resolution strategies.

Steps

1
Identify your needs and intentions in the situation. When intense emotions are present, it's easy to lose perspective. Consider writing in a journal, speaking to a friend or seeing a counselor to help identify your needs, thoughts and feelings.
2
Address the conflict from the standpoint of a common ground. For example, in the midst of a marital dispute about the division of household labor, focus on a common goal: to feel at ease and comfortable in a clean home.

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3
Establish ground rules for the discussion. This is easier to do if you hold a management or leadership position. In general, suggest ground rules using a calm and neutral tone. Rules might include allowing others to finish their sentences, speaking in turn and listening carefully to others.
4
Choose your words carefully and express yourself calmly. Conflicts escalate when people use accusatory words and aggressive tones and mannerisms. When in conflict with a colleague, for example, use "I" statements rather than words that overstate the situation, such as "you always" or "you never."
- Avoid words that imply a negative judgment about the character or ability of others. Character judgments and derogatory statements will decrease the likelihood that your core message will be received. Telling a spouse that he's "careless" or "useless" may erode trust and build contempt.
5
Listen closely to divergent perspectives. People often repeat themselves or raise their voices during conflicts because they feel ignored. For example, as difficult as it may be to withstand criticisms of your work from your boss, listen for the kernel of truth in the statements.
- Restate other people's perspectives. Verbalizing divergent views in your own words shows that you are listening and have a clear understanding of the varied perspectives.
6
Assess your present ability to address the conflict. Feeling overly tired, hungry or emotionally stressed can interfere with your judgment and ability to listen carefully and communicate clearly. In a late-night marital dispute, for example, it may be better to rest and discuss the issues in the morning.
- Step away from the conflict. In a dispute with a neighbor about high noise levels, for example, step away for a few hours or a day to return calm and collected to the discussion.
- Explain that you need a short break. Avoid walking away from a conflict without first announcing your intention to return to the discussion after a brief break.
7
Respect other people's need to step away. This may be difficult to do if the issue is emotionally charged, such as in the midst of a relationship breakup. However, allowing others to take their minds off of things temporarily may help in reaching a resolution.
8
Practice a balanced approach to conflict resolution.
- Limit a tendency to withdraw. Avoiding a discussion that is not going your way may only aggravate the situation. For example, if your teenager is being persistent about negotiating his curfew, giving him the silent treatment might encourage him to rebel, rather than comply.
- Avoid pushing and insisting. Once you have expressed your viewpoint and other parties have acknowledged hearing it, refrain from repeating yourself. Repeatedly insisting that your business team adopt your marketing strategy may cause other team members to ignore you or find fault with your approach.
9
Identify solutions that represent a true compromise. In a work situation, various departments may be in disagreement over the use of company funds. A compromise might involve splitting the funds across departments or focusing on what is best for all employees as a whole. Strive for a win-win situation at all times.
- Summarize the solutions to the conflict. Restate the solutions by highlighting how the needs of all involved will be met either in the short-term or in the near future.