Royal Crackers

Guest stars: Stephanie Sheh as Rachel, Fred Tatasciore as Al, Debra Wilson as Claire Bailey

Guest stars: Gilbert Gottfried as The Fixer, Jamar Malachi Neighbors as Moey D, Fred Tatasciore as Officer Troy, Debra Wilson as Antiques Appraisals Audio

As the Hornsby's celebrate Theodore Hornsby Sr.'s birthday party despite some setbacks, Theodore Hornsby Sr. flashes back to the day when he and his former partner Luther Dennison had a falling out which led to Luther forming Dennison Snacks. Theodore reads a letter from a farmer asking for his help. He ends up going out to them when confronted by a ghost boy. During his travels, Theodore stays at the house of the Bartleby family where their daughter develops a crush on him and he discovers that they are cannibals. After escaping with help from the ghost boy, Theodore makes it to the address as the daughter of the Bartleby family talks the rest out of harming Theodore and the family inside. When he enters the house, he finds skeletons of the family as the ghost boy states that one of Theodore's other flaws is that he doesn't notice the address on when a letter is sent. Theodore leaves the house with mixed feelings. Back in the present, Rob and Mel Dennison bring an elderly and paraplegic Luthor to the Hornsby's house. When alone with Theodore, Luther types on his translating device wishing a happy birthday and still considers him a friend despite their falling out. Theodore briefly snaps out of his sleep state and strangles Luther to death as Luther fails to contact Rob for help.

The Hornsby are invited on a cruise by known billionaire George Zeebos as the struggle to fit in where anyone who does not live up to his expertise gets thrown overboard and eaten by sharks. Matt befriends George's robotic servant Tonya and develops a crush on her. After things go horribly awry, George sees that they don't have the same level of wealth as he does and plans to have them thrown to the sharks. Tonya helps the Hornsbys get away from the crowd. George sprouts mechanical tentacles and attacks the Hornsbys only for Tonya to sacrifice herself to destroy the ship and by the Hornsbys time to get off the shop. Back on shore, everyone heads home as Matt is mocked by his parents and Theo for dating a robot. Tonya's body sinks to the bottom of the ocean. In the post-credits, George washes ashore somewhere and plans his revenge on the Hornsbys.

In the 1800s, a Mexican archaelogical group overseen by the Mexican army uncovers a chalice. The daughter of one of the soldiers grabs it and loses her hands. As the traps are set off, the chalice transports the girl out of the cave as everyone else perishes. In the present, Stebe has procured the box of Royal Crackers to appear on a Latin-American sitcom called "Casa De Papa". As Stebe, Deb, and Theo head to Burbank, California, Darby watches over Theodore as he procured the wrong car. Once Stebe, Deb, and Theo are on the set of "Casa De Papa", they watch the show in action where one of the characters eats the box of Royal Crackers and suffers a diarrhea side-effect that ends up killing the character much to the dismay of Stebe. Back at home, two criminals known as the Earl Grey Bandits plan to raid the house to get the chalice that fell into Theo's possession. Darby works to defend Theo and the household Home Alone style which doesn't go well. He and Theo are taken captive by the Earl Grey Bandits as their client known as the Traveler (the same girl from the past who now sports cybernetic hands) arrives and tortures Darby on where the location of the chalice is. He tells them after one of the Earl Grey Bandits does something to Theodore that explains why they are called the Earl Grey Bandits. As the Traveler gets the chalice, Darby breaks free and pursues the Traveler and the Earl Grey Bandits. Darby gets the chalice back with the Traveler and the Earl Grey Bandits dying in the process. The chalice transports Darby to the past where he takes part in one of the contests done by McDonald's. Afterwards, Darby returns to the present just as Stebe, Deb, and Theo return home and find the car that Darby was supposed to procure for them in the garage. As everyone enters the house, Theo is heard asking Darby if he washed his chalice.

In light of the upcoming CrackerCon, Stebe shows off his new mascot for Royal Crackers to Deb called Captain Cracker as Deb gets aroused by the design of the costume. When Stebe tries to pitch it at the meeting, Theo overshadows him by pitching a cracker cannon which everyone but Stebe approves of. When at CrackerCon, the Hornsbys find that the Dennisons are in attendance. After a neglected Stebe leaves CrackerCon, Deb and Matt maintain the Royal Crackers Booth as Theo leads Darby, Rachel, and Al into finding a former stripper associate of his named Hazelnut to help with his presentation. Outside, Stebe gives some food to a yellow canary and ends up fighting a seagull that stole it. Rob Dennison learns of the cracker cannon and secretly steals it which he denies upon being confronted by Deb. After some setbacks at the strip club and the location of Hazelnut's parents, Theo finds her only to discover that Hazelnut has a family of her own. A saddened Theo gives his presentation which does not go well. Rob then does his demonstration with the stolen cracker cannon by loading food from Dennison' Snacks into it in order to combat an animatronic dinosaur head called Snackasaurus. Due to a malfunction backstage upon a crew member accidentally spilling his drink on the controls when ordered to turn down the fire-breathing level, Snackasaurus goes berserk and starts burning everything and everyone causing the Dennisons to flee. In the nick of time, Stebe appears in his Captain Cracker outfit as it's fireproof traits help him protect his family and the surviving attendees followed by Captain Cracker using the Cracker Cannon at full power to destroy Snackasaurus. As Stebe and Deb make out, Hazelnut arrives stating to Theo that she left her other life as they make out. Darby is approached by the stripper that briefly touched him and they make out as Rachel and Al are shown giving positive reaction towards the make outs.