How to Be Proper

Co-authored by Tami Claytor

Last Updated: May 14, 2022 References

Many tend to associate being proper with boring or uptight behavior, but the truth is quite the opposite. A proper individual can still have fun and let loose just as much as the next person, while still showing respect for themselves and others around them. The trick is to strike a balance.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Evaluating the Situation

1
Be clear on the type of event. Before accepting an invitation or agreeing to tag along somewhere, ask a lot of questions. Find out where the event will take place, what type of event it is (formal or informal) and who will be there. Getting a ton of information upfront will allow you to assess the situation before you get there and make the right decisions so you can fit in.
- If the event is formal, for example, a great follow-up question would be regarding the dress code. Ask if a tie is expected or if wearing a suit jacket will suffice.
- By finding out the type of people who are expected to make an appearance, you can also make judgements about what's expected. For example, when going to a barbecue with your mom's co-workers, it would be inappropriate to dress like you're going club with friends.
2
Clarify cultural differences. What may be acceptable for one group, may be highly improper for another. Research these variables to avoid offending someone.
- Consider, for example, slurping is the norm and a sign of culinary enjoyment in Japan but would be viewed as improper at a debutante dance in Georgia, U.S.A.
- Another example of this would be understanding the religious observances of certain populations. It would be improper, for instance, to use your left hand while eating amongst certain groups.
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3
Be observant. Always watch to see how others are behaving around you. This will offer clues as to what's proper or not. If everyone is greeting with a double kiss on the cheek, follow their lead.
- In some cultures, waiting for the eldest to sit first is the proper protocol, while others have no set expectations.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Exhibiting Proper Etiquette

1
Have table manners. Even if you’re at the local burger joint, put a napkin in your lap, chew with your mouth closed, keep your feet off the table, wipe your mouth and don’t burp out loud. Proper table etiquette is a key to being liked and invited out more often.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
- If there’s a wait staff, don’t forget the please and thank you.
- Don’t go overboard with it. You can still be relaxed and have a good time.
2
Make everyone feel comfortable. When inviting a few people over to your house, be sure each of them will have something to eat and/or drink. Find out prior whether they are vegetarian, are allergic to nuts or don't care for surgery sodas.
- They will not only notice but appreciate the consideration.
3
Stop slouching. Carrying proper posture speaks volumes about who you. Stand up straight with your shoulders back and head up. No need to keep looking at the ground. It’s not going anywhere.
- When seated, the same rules apply.
4
Open the door. If you are out and about and notice someone has their hands full, definitely grab the door for them. Wait for them to enter/exit the establishment and follow behind. You could even say something along the lines of, "Here you go. After you..."
- This also applies for someone entering your home. Greet the visitor and open the door, leaving them plenty of space to walk in. While it may be obvious that you want them to enter, it's best to say something like, "Please, come on in!"^{[2]
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5
Make eye contact. Get the hair out of your face and smile for goodness sake! When greeting someone for the first time, make sure you send the proper initial impression. You want to convey that you’re confident and mature.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Acting Respectfully

1
Put the phone down. It’s completely improper to stare at a screen while speaking to someone or at the movie theater.^{[3]
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Research source} Not only is it rude to those around you, it’s a distraction from being completely in the moment.
- This also applies to all electronic devices. For example, if someone is trying to have a conversation with you, pull the headphones off or stop clicking away on the iPad for a few minutes. It will be there when you’re done.
2
Be polite. The proper thing to do when interrupting someone would be to say something like, “Excuse me” or “Sorry for interrupting, but…” Try not to just barge in on conversations. Think about how you would want another person to treat you.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}
3
Don’t make lewd gestures/comments. You might have seen something in your favorite comedy that you want to imitate for your friends, but be aware of your surroundings. It’s acceptable if you’re in a private setting, instead of the grocery store. Also, jokes are only funny if everyone laughs. Don’t try to get a laugh at someone else’s expense.
- Notice the behavior of others around you as this will give you a clue as to what’s proper or not.
4
Watch your online posts. Don’t forget that anything you post online is officially public. Think twice and perhaps three times before ridiculing or mocking another person.
- Don't post things when you're angry. If emotional, walk away and gather your thoughts. This will ensure you offer a proper response/comment to any given situation.^{[5]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Speaking Correctly

1
Watch the cursing. There isn’t a lot that is more improper than throwing out a bunch of curse words in the middle of a restaurant or baseball game. Doing so will make you look immature and oblivious. Keep your choice words and phrases for a more private setting.
- Better yet, rid yourself completely of this habit. The more frequently you use this language, the harder it will be to stop when you get older. This could lead to serious consequences like getting reprimanded at school or fired from a job.^{[6]
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- The words you choose reflect who you are as a person. Do you want everyone to think you’re a brat or a proper young adult?
2
Use proper grammar. Of course it’s cool to use the latest lingo amongst your closest buddies or skip proper sentence structure when texting, but you are simply creating bad habits for yourself. Watch how doing this will creep into your everyday speaking.
- Think about your future. Would you hire someone who sounded like they didn’t know what they’re talking about?
3
Lower your voice. Everyone doesn’t need to hear your personal conversation. Whether on the phone or talking face-to-face with another person, be mindful of your raised voice. Check to see if people are turning to stare as an indicator.
- It could draw unwanted attention and embarrass you, especially if the subject matter is sensitive.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Dressing Appropriately

1
Follow the dress code. If your school has a specific dress code, it’s best to adhere to it as much as possible. It’s understandable that you want to flex your individuality muscles but school may not be the best place if there are rules clearly established. If your school requires you wear a uniform, you may not have much wiggle room, but if they only have a few restrictions, follow those, but still add a personal touch.
- Determine what they are and figure out a way to work within those guidelines. If there is something you’re just dying to wear to school, consider asking an adult like your parents or a faculty member to double check.
- You can still be yourself while following the dress code by wearing unique accessories like hair adornments, watches or cool footwear.
2
Know where you are going. What might be okay to wear with your friends at the skate park, may not be the best choice for church or to meet a college recruiter. Consider all your options when choosing an outfit to ensure you send the proper image.
- Skip the suit and tie if that isn't your thing. Just make sure it's classy.
3
Don’t reveal too much skin. This is especially true for young ladies. There’s no need to toss on a belly-bearing top and a short skirt, even if it is scorching hot out. It probably is the most comfy thing you own, but leave a little to the imagination. A good rule of thumb is if you’re showing skin on top, cover the legs or vice versa.
- You should definitely showcase your sense of style and personality, but ask yourself what type of message you will be sending.
- Remember, you want to be perceived as a proper young woman and nothing else.
4
Skip tacky shirts. You’re hilarious and everyone knows it, but a proper young guy will not want to wear an offensive t-shirt, if trying to send the right message. Think about all the eyes that will be on you as soon as you step outside. They may not get the joke and think that you’re just a jerk instead.^{[7]
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