11+ Ways to Support and Cheer Up Your Boyfriend When He's Sad

Written by Laura Bilotta | Edited by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: June 21, 2022 References

If your boyfriend is feeling blue, figuring out exactly what he needs can be tough. You might want to do everything you can to support him, but knowing what to do and how to do it isn’t always easy. Thankfully, while everyone's a little different, there are some tried and true methods you can use to bring a smile back to your boyfriend’s face.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, John Keegan, founder of The Awakened Lifestyle. Check out the full interview here.

1

Listen to him.

Sometimes when you’re sad, a listening ear is all you need. If your boyfriend is feeling bad and he wants to talk about it, sit down with him and let him unburden himself. Try not to interrupt, and ask follow-up questions so he can keep talking.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.} You can offer a few words of encouragement, too.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- For instance, you might ask something like, “How did that make you feel?” or, “Is that why you’re upset?”
- Try not to immediately go into “fix it” mode, when you try to give your boyfriend advice or fix his problems. This can make people feel like you aren’t actually hearing what they’re saying.
- If he isn't talking about it, try asking him if he wants to talk, and ask if something is upsetting him or making him uncomfortable.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.}

2

Let him know that it’s okay to be sad.

For men, being sad is sometimes looked down upon. Your boyfriend might be feeling a little ashamed to be sad, but he doesn't have to be. Let him know that his feelings are valid, and that it’s okay to be upset, even if he thinks it’s silly.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- You could say something like, “I just want you to know that I understand why you’re sad, and it’s not weird at all.”
- Or, “Feel free to cry, scream, or do whatever you need to do. I’m not here to judge you.”

3

Ask him what he needs.

Instead of making assumptions, ask your boyfriend what would help. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what people need when they’re sad, especially if it’s a newer relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend what he’d like you to do—the answer might surprise you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- You might say something like, “I want to support you here. What can I do to make you feel better?”
- You can also take his love language into account. For instance, if your boyfriend likes getting gifts, you could buy him something small. If he craves physical touch, you could simply give him a hug.

4

Give him some space if he needs it.

A lot of times, guys need space to process their emotions. If he just needs some alone time, try to give it to him, even if it feels like the last thing you want to do. If you don’t want to leave him alone in the house, you can simply head to another room or wear headphones to block out any noise.^{[6]
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- If you two don’t live close to each other, he might need to take a few days to himself. This could mean that he doesn’t respond to your texts or answer your phone calls. Try not to take it personally!

5

Take him to do something fun.

Try distracting him with a trip to get ice cream or to see a movie. If your boyfriend is feeling blue, getting him out of the house will probably do him some good. Plan a fun date where the two of you can hang out to get his mind off of things.^{[7]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- If you don’t live near your boyfriend or you’re in a long distance relationship, try sending him a little money on Venmo or Cashapp so he can go out to eat or head to the mall.

6

Encourage him to go outside.

Reconnecting with nature can really lift your spirits. Take your boyfriend to explore a park nearby or walk down the waterfront. If you two don’t live close, you can send him suggestions or buy him tickets to visit a zoo or a nearby amphitheater. Getting out of the house is a great way to break someone out of a funk.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 July 2021.}
- If your boyfriend is outdoorsy, consider taking him on a hiking or backpacking adventure.

7

Bring him a little gift.

Some chocolates or a hot coffee will lift anyone’s spirits. Drop by your boyfriend’s house with a bouquet of flowers or a nice bottle of wine. It doesn’t have to be anything super expensive, but a small gift will show him that you care. And, it can be a nice distraction from whatever he’s going through.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.}
- If your boyfriend lives far away, you can send him a care package full of his favorite things.

8

Write him a sweet note.

Handwrite all of the things you appreciate about your boyfriend. You might write about his charming personality, his great sense of style, his humor, or his kindness toward others. Then, seal the note in an envelope and give it a kiss for good luck. You can drop this note off at his door or deliver it to him in person, if you’d like.^{[10]
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- If you’re sending a letter to him long distance, it could take a few days to arrive. Consider sending him a text or an email as well so he gets one of your messages instantly.

9

Send him memes or tell him a joke.

A little humor might cheer him up! Pick out a few memes your boyfriend might like and text them to him or DM him on Instagram. Or, call him up and tell him a funny joke you heard. If he’s just a little down in the dumps, he’ll probably appreciate your sense of humor, and you might just snap him out of his funk.^{[11]
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- If your boyfriend is sad about a serious problem, humor might not be the way to go. However, it works great for little bummers, like losing a soccer game or not getting a promotion.

10

Tell him all the things you love about him.

What are your favorite things about your boyfriend? Telling him what you love about him is sure to perk him up and remind him why you’re together. You can talk about his warmth, his honesty, his loyalty, his strength, or his compassion. Not only will this make him feel better, but it might just give him an ego boost, too.^{[12]
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- If you can’t see your boyfriend in person, try recording a video of yourself telling him all the things you love about him instead.

11

Encourage him to seek professional help if he needs to.

Deep sadness can be hard to handle on your own. If your boyfriend is sad a lot or he’s going through tough times, a mental health professional might be able to help. Encourage him to make an appointment with a therapist or a counselor to talk about his feelings and what he’s going through. He might be opposed at first, but remind him that he’ll feel much better in the long run.^{[13]
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- If your boyfriend is in school, have him talk to a school counselor on campus.

Community Q&A

Question

What does a man want in a woman?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Remember that men are, in many ways, more sensitive than women. You can bet that your partner wants to feel heard and understood. That doesn't mean you have to always agree or go along, but you should listen to him and let him be his own person.
Question

How do I make my relationship not boring?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you want to avoid boredom in your relationship, try having a proper physical relationship where you both are feeling touched, kissed and all that stuff! Don’t let the fire burn out! It's all in the little things.