How to Tell if Your Guy Friend Sees You As Just "One of the Guys"

Co-authored by Laura Bilotta

Last Updated: May 21, 2022 References

How a guy treats you says a lot about how he thinks of you. Does he see you as a potential girlfriend or simply a girl friend? Is he crushing on you or does he see you as just one of the guys? There are a few methods to figure out whether or not your guy friend wants to be your boyfriend. You can look at his communication or body language styles, but the best way to find out is to ask him.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Interpreting his Communication

1
Consider how often you hang out alone. If you only ever see each other in group settings, you may struggle with determining if he likes you or not. Try asking him to hang out alone. If he’s up for it, he may still see you as a friend, but if he doesn’t want to hang out alone, he is signaling that he is uninterested. If you hang out alone often, it may indicate that he cares deeply for you.
- When you're alone together, he may touch you more than he does in public, or he may bring up deep conversations. These conversations may be about past relationships or insecurities about his future. This can be read as a sign that he trusts you. Such trust may be an indicator of a deeper relationship.
- If he acts the same way alone with you as he does in public, it still means you're good friends, but it may signal that he is uninterested in a romantic relationship.
2
Listen to how he addresses you. If he refers to you gives you a boyish nickname, it means he is comfortable around you. Furthermore, if he calls you by the same names he calls his other male friends, it could be a sign that you are close friends but nothing more. Flirty or unique nicknames—such as honey, babe, or cutie— can indicate that he is interested in you romantically. ^{[1]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.}
- Platonic names could include dude, man, bro, and guy.
- Flirty nicknames could include babe, sweetie, honey, cutie, and doll.
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3
Pay attention to what he talks about. If the topics of your conversations only revolve around sports, raunchy jokes, vehicles, or video games, he is keeping your interactions platonic. If he confides in you his deepest insecurities and secrets, he may be opening up to you in a way that he does not with his male friends.
- If he's interested, he may compliment you or make specific comments about your sexuality and body.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Laura Bilotta
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} If his sexual comments are about other women or women in general, it may mean that he just sees you as one of the guys.
4
Keep track of how many times he starts conversations. If he doesn’t initiate texts or conversations, he likely just sees you as a friend. But if he is constantly texting, calling, and asking to meet up, it could be a sign that he wants to become closer to you.
- If he texts you first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it could mean that he is thinking about you when he is alone. Similarly, if he texts you back immediately, it could signal interest.
- If he does not respond to your texts for long periods of time, it may mean that he considers you a friend only.
5
Note if he asks you about other men. If he keeps asking you about your relationships with other men, he may be trying to determine if you are single or not. If you both have mutual male friends, he may be concerned that you are seeing one of them instead of him.
- If a man demands to know what you are doing with other men, it is a sign of a jealous or controlling personality. If your male friend tries to prevent you from hanging out with other men, take it as a red flag and establish boundaries. ^{[3]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Observing Body Language

1
Try initiating physical contact. He may be waiting for you to initiate physical contact. Sit beside him, touching your leg and shoulder to his, and see how he reacts.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.} You can also try putting your arm across his shoulders or touch his arm.
- If he shows no acknowledgment, it means he's comfortable with you and considers you a good friend.
- If he leans into you or puts his arm around you, it could be a sign of romantic interest.
- If he draws away, he doesn’t want to encourage any further physical contact. This can be a sign that he is uninterested.
2
Gauge how much distance he puts between you. If you are hanging out—either alone or with a group—try to see how close he sits to you. If he keeps you closer than arm’s length, he enjoys proximity to you, and he may want more physical contact. ^{[5]
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Research source} Similarly, if he always sits next to you at a restaurant, bar, or movie, he is establishing your value to him above everyone else. On the other hand, if he doesn’t seem to care where you stand or sit, he most likely considers you a friend.
3
Observe how he sits. If he leans towards you or sits with his body open (legs spread and shoulders rolled back), he could be indicating his attraction to you. Fiddling with objects, showing his hands and palms to you, and nodding at what you say may also indicate interest. ^{[6]
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Research source} Alternatively, if his body is turned away from you or he is closed off (crossing his arms and legs), he might consider you a purely platonic friend.
4
Note his eye contact. If he makes excessive eye contact with you, especially if you are in a group of people, it means that he is more interested in you than he is anyone else in the room. Watch to see if he makes eye contact, then shyly darts his gaze away. This is a common sign of attraction. ^{[7]
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Research source}
5
Watch his gestures. If he actively gestures when he’s speaking to you, it means that he is interested in what you are saying. If he nods along to what you are saying or gestures out towards you, he is trying to engage you in himself. If he rubs his hands, it might be a sign that he is nervous talking to you. Finally, if you notice his gestures are becoming similar to your own, his body is signaling that he is interested in you. ^{[8]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Confronting Your Friend

1
Hang out alone together. If you are going to talk about the state of your relationship, you should find a time when you two can hang out alone together. Ask him if he’s free one weekend and invite him over to your place. If he doesn’t agree or tries to avoid coming over, it might be a sign that he’s not interested.
2
Do normal activities. Don’t ambush him right away with the big question. Do something fun that you two have always enjoyed together. Play a video game, watch a movie, or discuss sports.
3
Ask him if you can talk. When you feel the time is right, pause the video game or movie. You can even wait until just before he goes home. Ask him if you can have a few minutes to talk. Reassure him that you don’t want to make things awkward, but that you want to clear up some confusion about your relationship. You don’t have to reveal if you like him or not yet.
- You can try saying, “Hey, do you mind if we have a quick chat? I want to discuss something with you. I’m confused about the state of our relationship, and I want to clarify what we are.”
4
Reassure him that you are good friends no matter what. A conversation like this can be awkward, and you want your friend to be as comfortable as possible. Tell him how much you value your friendship.
- You can say, “Your friendship means so much to me, and I want to make sure that nothing happens to it. At the same time, I want to make sure that we are both clear in what we want from each other.”
5
Ask him how he feels about your relationship. The question itself can be difficult. You might want to practice beforehand with a friend or counselor to help you. There are a number of ways you can phrase the question.
- “How do you see our relationship?”
- “Do you ever see us being more than friends?”
- “How do you feel about me?”
6
Give him plenty of time to respond. He may react by being shy, bashful, embarrassed, or nervous. Allow him some time to think and phrase his answer. Don’t interrupt him. Wait until he is finished speaking before you say anything.
7
Be understanding of his response. If he says you are like a sister, a friend, or “one of the guys,” it’s a sign that he values your friendship but doesn’t want anything more than that. React gracefully. Tell him that it is fine for him to feel that way and that you are much happier knowing how he really feels.
- Try saying, “I completely understand what you are saying. I also feel like you’re my best friend, and I want to make sure that we can remain friends. I’m just glad we were able to talk to about this.”
- Your friendship may not be exactly the same as it was before, and there may be some initial awkwardness. Still, if your guy friend still wants to hang out with you platonically, it’s a sign that he does care—just not in a romantic sense.
8
Let him know how you feel if he confesses. If he does admit that he likes you as more than a friend, be clear in how you feel about him back. If you share the same romantic attraction, tell him immediately.
- You can say, “I’m glad to hear that. I like you too, and I feel the same way.”

Community Q&A
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Question

As a girl, how can I tell if my crush who is a guy sees me as "one of the guys" or just as "one of his good friends"?

Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of date coaching experience, Laura specializes in dating etiquette, relationships, and human behavior. She is the host of the Dating and Relationship Radio Talk Show on AM640 and on Apple Podcasts. She is also the author of "Single in the City: From Hookups & Heartbreaks To Love & Lifemates, Tales & Tips To Attract Your Perfect Match."

Laura Bilotta

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

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When you hang out, pay attention to how he treats you. If he's overly polite, compliments you, or makes excuses get closer to you, he's probably interested. On the other hand, if you only hang out in groups and he talks to you like he talks to his other bros, he may just see you as a friend.
Question

We were very close for 2 years, then suddenly he had a girlfriend (without telling me). But now we still chat all the time. We don't talk in front of others. It seems like a "scandal." What do I do?

Community Answer

Talk to him about this. Tell him you want to know how he sees you, whether he has any romantic interest in you or not, etc. Mention that you think it's odd that he won't talk to you around other people (because it is). It sounds like there's possibility he's just stringing you along, or he likes you but he's not sure if he wants to break up with his girlfriend. Talk to him and ask him to be honest with you.
Question

The guy that I'm crushing on calls me "homie" and "fam". We talk and Face Time every day. I really like him, but am scared to ask if he likes me too. What should I do?

Community Answer

Play it cool. Maybe you can find a way to casually bring up the topic of crushes and ask if he has anyone he's interested in right now. Chances are if he's talking to you that much, he probably likes you too.

Warnings

While it is almost always better to be honest with your feelings, understand how he might be feeling after the talk. Text him the day after and see if he responds. If he avoids you, give him some space. After a few days, try to initiate contact again.

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If you cannot overcome your feelings and they are causing depression or anxiety, you may have to reduce the amount of time you spend together.

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