How to Deal With a Friend Who Copies You

Last Updated: November 20, 2022 References

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it can still be pretty irritating when your friend is copying you. If it seems like they're always buying the same clothes as you, listening to the same music, and even copying your opinions and habits, it might be time to sit them down and talk about it. Fortunately, it's possible to address the problem head-on without ruining your friendship. Keep reading to learn how.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Assessing the Situation

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Figure out if they’re actually copying you. We all have egos, and sometimes they get over-inflated. It’s part of human nature to believe others perceive us the same way that we do and that they want to be like us. This may not be the case. Ask your other friends to see if they’ve noticed copying. If they haven’t noticed anything, drop it. If it becomes a more serious situation, they’ll bring it up.
2
Think about how big of a problem it is. Reframe the situation: instead of thinking of your friend as copying you, you could take it as your friend admiring your good judgment and taste. Maybe they simply need someone to look up to—especially if they’ve just lost one—and they’ve chosen you. While it might be annoying, it may be a temporary thing. Don’t be too quick to react on this situation because it may result in the loss of a friend.^{[1]
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- Evaluate your relationship with your friend.^{[2]
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- Be honest with yourself and note the things you need in a relationship instead of what you want from it.^{[3]
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- If the relationship does not fulfill your needs, think about whether you can make some changes in the relationship that will allow you to get what you need.
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3
Consider if something else is bothering you. While copying can feel a bit like identity theft, there might be something else bothering you. If this other problem is being projected onto the copying problem, the copying problem seems worse than it truly is. If something else is bothering you, don’t take it out on your friend. Let them have their moment and focus on yourself. Just because they wore the same color shirt as you did to school, or said they had the same favorite meal, doesn’t make them a copier.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Confronting Your Friend

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Ask them about it. Discuss it with them. They might not even realize that they’re copying you. Sit down with them and make sure they’re aware of it and divulge into potential reasons for it. Don’t attack them, make it a discussion.
- ”Did you notice that we’ve been matching a lot lately?”
  - If they say no, give them examples.
- ”Do you think it’s funny that we always end up doing the same thing?”
- ”Why do you think these things happen?”
2
Talk about their originality. Ask them how they describe their style or personality. If they have trouble doing so, it’ll help them see that they’ve been copying you. Remember, it’s likely there will be similarities between you—that’s why you’re friends—but they should also have some original ideas.
- ”The whole point of clothes is to highlight your own unique style, how do you think you’d describe your style.”
- ”How do you see yourself?”
3
Point out what you like about them. Give them examples of things they’ve thought of on their own that you liked. Show them that they also have good, original ideas. Be vague when you do this, so that you don’t give away all of your preferences.^{[4]
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Let them talk. This is going to be the turning point to make them stop copying you. Once you make them aware of the situation, you need to let them carry the conversation. This will show them that they have the ability to form their own ideas and that will carry over into whatever aspect of life they’ve been copying from you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Helping Them Change

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Help them discover their uniqueness. If they’ve been copying your outfits, go through their closet with them. Have them create outfits without your help and point out good things about them. If they’ve been copying the way you act, leave it to them to make the first move and agree with whatever they choose. Give them confidence in their decision-making, and they’ll be less likely to copy you.^{[5]
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2
Force them to do their own thing. If they truly seem to have difficulty understanding that they’re copying you, don’t tell them your plans. Secrets are never good for a friendship, but you may have to keep some so that they make choices for themselves. Make them decide on upcoming plans and purchases. Don’t give them an answer about where you want to go or what you want to do. Let them do it.
3
Build their confidence. Continue to point out what you like about their style or ideas. Keep in mind that people that copy chronically typical suffer from extreme insecurity. They have low self-esteem. Get your mutual friends in on it to help build their confidence. Support them in every choice they make, even if it seems over the top. This will help them become a confident, independent person.^{[6]
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4
Make sure they do things they like to do. This is an easy way to build self-esteem. When you do something you enjoy doing, it’s something that gives you comfort and confidence. Help your friend do something they like to do every single day.^{[7]
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Community Q&A

Question

What do I do if my friend keeps copying what I read and what I draw?

Community Answer

Ask them to do their own work. Nothing is worse than getting a 0 for someone else copying your work.
Question

How do I stop someone from copying what I want to be when I'm older?

Community Answer

Say that you want to be something else instead, but really pursue your original desire. You are tricking the person copying you to a different job.
Question

There is a friend of mine whom I've fought out with, but she keeps coming back and copying my tastes, like my favorite game, my favorite YouTuber, etc. How should I deal with her?

Community Answer

Some people say that it is a compliment if people copy you, but I find that irritating. Maybe you should start to change your style and tastes. You could also just tell the friend how you feel. Of course, if you guys are fighting all the time anyway, it might be time to just end the friendship.

Warnings

They might get defensive when you approach them about it. Be prepared for it to put a rift in your friendship. If it becomes a serious issue, talk to an adult about it.

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